Want so bad

Fat Pig(15)

Minho POV :
I arose from my sleep seeing i was in the exact same spot i woke up in a day ago.
I'm wearing a Bunny onesie with my hood up.
I go up to a mirror to look at myself. I look horrid. Eyebags,red face, swollen face. I took off the bunny onesie immediately and looked myself in the mirror again. Bruises,scars a bunch of other fucking things.
I called out for Bin or Chan. They weren't in the house.

I went down the stairs towards the kitchen and got a knife. I looked at it wanted-ly and stared at my naked skin (bro's naked, he has boxers tho)
I put the metal against my skin and grazed it a million times. I have no idea why i'm doing this.
I have no reason to.
People literally have one second to live and i'm doing this to myself. I'm so fucking selfish. I wonder why my father hates me. No wonder Jisung doesn't like me.

Shut the fuck up brain. He left you because you smiled whilst he was sad about his break up.
Why are you even thinking about taking him so soon after his break up? Ugh stupid Minho. You're so fucking selfish.

I smiled at myself. Laughing. I found a lighter. Looked at my stomach. I lit the lighter and put the lighter against my skin. 1... 2... 3... 4... six more seconds you deserve it. 6... 7... 8... shit. 9... almost 10... i looked around the room for something.
Scissors, I grabbed it quickly and cut my skin on my thighs since i have no more room left else on my body.

Minho you're just doing this for attention. Just fucking stop. But you're getting enough attention what are you on about. I then put down the scissors forgetting about cleaning up. I then went to clean the kitchen up. I felt the blood running down my legs and arms. I got the mop and cleaned the floor, And then got a cloth to wipe it down with my feet.

I decided to clean the rest of the apartment. I first cleaned the whole kitchen and the living room next then the upstairs. I felt the need to cut myself again. Back to the kitchen!!

I grabbed all the things i used a while ago, i then heard my stomach gurgle time to eat (stfu i know what chan said. Just pretend🖕)
I looked in the fridge and saw chicken,vegetables and rice. I grabbed the plate and put in the microwave. In the meantime i ate a chocolate bar. Once i finished the chocolate bar the food wasn't done yet so i went for a chocolate muffin.. belonging to Chan.. i will just make some. I saw a note on the counter whilst eating the 4 muffins

Don't eat my muffins
Me and Bin will be back at 12:00pm
(Monday, you're off school today if you don't remember)

Okay. Oh wait. I'm eating the muffins. Shit. Damn. You're so fat Minho, what the fuck was eating the fucking muffins and chocolate for you weirdo.
Ugh. I then heard the beeping of the chicken i quickly ate the last muffin and cleaned my hands
(He still only has boxers and dried blood.)
I got the chicken from the microwave and ate it up.

I then cleaned up the dishes and looked in the fridge for one more thing to snack on before i throw everything up. Cake.. yum. It's Jeongin's... I'll just eat it. I gobbled it up like a fat fucking pig like my P.E teacher.

Now i felt the urge to throw everything up.. i went straight to the bathroom carrying the knife,scissors and lighter. Fat pig.
Fat pig,fat pig, fat pig, fat pig, fat pig.

I pushed down my two longest fingers in my throat and wiggled them. Tears formed in my eyes and i did it more. I gagged, gagged again and felt something coming up my throat i wiggled them more and i pulled out my fingers to throw up.

Whew. Once i was done i washed my face and put 2 mints in my mouth. I saw the 3 items on the sink counter and grabbed one of them. The lighter! I put it up against my thighs this time. 1.. 2.. 3.. shit! This feels worse some how 4... 5... 6.. damn 7.. 8.. I CAN'T ! 9.. almost shit. 10..

I did the same on the other thigh and slid the knife against my stomach. And cut my arms with the scissors i then suddenly felt light headed and dropped. (Stop drop and roll😍)

I woke up to my head pounding. It doesn't matter. I should probably clean up the mess in the bathroom. Again i didn't clean myself up. I cleaned up them mess rather quickly and. Went downstairs to put the 3 items back. I cleaned the things and put them where they were supposed to.

I went to the fridge to get drunk and saw alcohol and swallowed those babies down. Vodka, beer, whatever i found in the fridge that was at least 50% alcohol.
5:00

7 hours before the dudes came back. I decided to go high before the came. So i took the cigarettes out of my bag and went to Chan's balcony to take a drag. I watched the pretty view Chan has everyday to look at. I smile at the thought of having a house like this in the future. Sadly i don't want a future

When i grow up i want to be dead. I took a drag and sighed heavily before putting the cigarette out

I fell asleep ..
Wow

5:01
FUCK OFF
i've been asleep for 1 minute? Ugh.
I fell asleep again, I hope i wake up atleast more than 30 minutes later
5:02.... Fuck this
I went downstairs and looked at the clock.
5:12 how the fuck did it take me 10 minutes to go down the stairs?

I got my phone out and said 7:12
What the fuck?
I looked back at the clock 5:12. I put my eyes on the 'second' hand and it wasn't moving I "ahh"ed and got the clock from the wall and put new batteries in it. I put it back up and it started working again.

I got my phone out and searched pornhub (eh he sorry) I just watched the first video that showed up and started jerking off.

8:37 Damn. Already, I got my phone and took my boxers and shorts with me and cleaned up in the bathroom.

"Minho?" I heard Chan call out. I put my towel around my waist and went down the stairs to Chan i felt a bit lightheaded I put my hands out in my sight and blood was still running.

Black. Darkness. Blacker than the Blackest black. As dark as a winter night. As black as space. Blacker than black. I couldn't see anything i felt light as a feather. I can hear. Hear the beeping of a heart thingy. I could hear my heartbeat aswell. Thunk, thunk, thunk. Haha sounds like stairs. White. I could see white. Am i finally dead? Finally, i've been waiting my whole life for this

"Minho?" "Minho?" "Oh my god, Changbin! He's opening his eyes!!" i heard someone familiar say to Changbin.
Chan..?

*Gasp* I sit up straight opening my eyes seeing blank white walls with Chan and Bin watching my every move

"Did he come back from the dead..?" Changbin asked
"Shut the fuck up Bin"
"How are you Min? You scared the living shit out of us. Blood all over you body!! You worried us bad leeknow .. what happened?"