cold black kitchen counter
ants
i don't hate you so i hope you don't think that. ok?
anyway, last night i had a dream about Marlboro reds and a friend from class
13:13
dulled almost-summer evening
rain inside my chest
18:04
got a new red pack
relief
reclined in a shadowy corner
I want summer to stay forever
i might've left my soul somewhere
smoke as replacement
wish there was something more
have i ever had anything at all
i've been empty for so long
it's hard to place why now
autos tumbling by with all their house and techno and deep blue and pink lights
i go parading by with all my fake hopes and dreams and friends
i mean
i wish i was a little more consistent in my disposition
this role in the play feels rather shameful actually
19:47
im not sure what to regret now
all you guys love being sad and hot and inexplicable
you'll get a fuck and a kiss as understanding
we'll both pretend
because im not actually sad at all right
then, you'll say it isn't working because youre just that fucked up
and really you must be the only fuck up in the world ever
so i must understand
i understand. mostly because i don't care anymore at all
everything as replacement
we're all the same filth at the end
19:59
you switched your colourful tees for my all black. and ive been purging my black wardrobe for a lot more colour now. i find all this really fucking funny. i mean i really can't help but notice? i hope you notice too. i look just like all your happy girls with their consistent demeanor and evrything. i look much better now no? i hope you have some songs about me that are actually really fucking good because you had never felt that real before. i hope you still wonder if i have your ring because i forgot to mention i lost it. youre all brooding-and-hot now and im all manic-pixie-will-make-you-happy-again and it's all so disgusting and embarrassing i want to laugh and sob at it at the same time
it's much easier to get thru the days thinking of you as a shit person because I've always been really good at erasing people from my life nicely and neatly
20:54
fact: love is all about feeling real
21:00
3 mar
