The Garden of Eden

The Power of Love

Eden King

I can pretend all I want that things could be worse, but I don't know how they could be. Carmine didn't seem to have any problem while he stood making breakfast in his kitchen at half past nine in the morning.

     "I need to go to work."
     "After breakfast."
     "I'm already late, I can't find my phone so if you need me you'll have to call the office."
     "I'll take you in a bit, and I'll have someone drop off your phone when it's found. Just sit."
     "I'm not fucking sitting down! Goodbye." He's deranged. I yelled and swore at him while he's trying to be nice to me and all he has to show me is a stupid smile. Shoved my feet into my flip flops not even caring about how I was going to look at work.

     "I'll see you later baby! Have a good day!" I'm going to bang my head against the door. I don't know if Enzo is here just waiting for Carmine or if he anticipated my angry departure but thank god there is a car here and I don't have to walk all the way into the city.

     "I'll drive myself."
     "I have to take Carmine in later."
     "Take one of his cars and go do whatever you want. He can take himself." I ripped the keys from Enzo's hand. Even he is smiling despite my horrid attitude.

I don't know what's wrong with me. My skin is crawling, I'm nauseated but don't feel like throwing up, my head is absolutely spinning and I feel like I can't breath. I rolled the window down but none of the traffic or people in the streets could be heard. All I could hear was my own voice in my head chanting I love you, over and over. It won't stop, it's just getting louder and I can't forget how desperate I was for Carmine. I was pathetic.

People were practically jumping out of my way, some looking down and others ducking behind their cubicles to avoid my gaze. I couldn't care less about everyone at work right now. I pulled the blinds down in my office, leaving my lights off. I paced circles around my desk, fast and unsteady. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand what this feeling is that crawling around inside. I can't stop thinking about how pathetic I was, how much I needed him and how much I needed to hear those words back. I practically shouted my love for him to god and I crawled at his feet in need.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" My stupid decorative paper weight when through my glass wall. The panel shattering to ground, my blinds swaying out of the way just enough for me to catch the eyes of all the people outside. "Everybody can go home!"

"Eden." Margarita pushed the corner of my curtains open, peaking in.

"You and everyone else will go home for the day."
"Would you like to talk."
"Margarita."
"Has something happened with work?" Of course my staff was not stupid. Nothing Carmine touches is pure and legal and his presence in this office let everyone know it was more that meets the eye. They had never brought it up or hinted at any assumptions of what this company did but I have never had a meltdown and broke a wall.

"It's better if you go home. I won't ask again."
"I'll lock the door when everyone leaves." In a flurry of rustling and steps, minutes passed and silence invaded the office.

I don't understand what this is. It's not anger, sadness or panic. It's fucking madness and psychosis but I'm sane enough to know something is wrong. I don't want to drink or smoke or talk to anyone. I feel like I'm on fire inside my body but the skin is caging the flames in. I can't cry but I feel like something needs to come out of me. I can't be in this office.