put it down... (a tf2 scout angst + Speedingbullet)

1

-------Scout POV---------------
It was a regular battle, blue against red. We needed to steal the intelligence from their base and protect ours. The routine was tedious. But it's probably just me whos sick of it.
Fight
Kill
Die
Fight again
...
Hopefully not die again because that fucking hurts.

*BOOM*

I was blown out of my thoughts by the enemy blue demoman painting the roof with my entrails.

"AUUGH" i respawned still screaming from the shock. My body was back in one piece. I stumbled forward by habit running back out into the battlements. If i allowed myself to think to long i don't think I'd ever be able to complete these missions. Everyone else makes it look so easy. Maybe I'm just the weak link. I ran down the bridge spotting a lone medic from blue team.

"Say goodbye to ya kneecaps chucklehead!" I yelled, killing him while he was vulnerable. "HAHAHAHhaa!.. classic scout" i mumbled. Before getting headshotted by a sniper. This is gonna be a fun day.

----Time Skip: end of mission-------

"You Failed." The speaker boomed. Me and the other mercenarys sat at spawn silently mopeing, until soldier spoke up.

"WHAT WAS THATT?" he boomed. "This is a war not a bra factory. Medic where the bloody hell where you? We needed you at the sewers maybe our sentries wouldn't get destroyed every damn FIVE MINUTESS if you healed our engineers. And scout the LEAST, and i mean the VERY LEAST you can do is not go and kill yourself every time you respawn is it that fucking hard to not die for you? You got a deathwish son?" He nagged spraying my face with spit.
I looked silently at the floor; any attempt at explanation would do me no good.

"Sorry sir" i mumbled, the team gave me concerned glances from my break in character, especially spy and medic.

"I mean sorry i forgot who da fuck asked knucklehead" I rolled my eyes letting out a fake laugh. "Anyway" i sighed. "Cya losers!" I waved runnin off energetically until I was out of sight. I changed back to a normal pace being completely exhausted from the mission. I need more coffee and bonk i made a mental note. Continuing back to the company barracks. It wasn't a long walk persay but it sure felt like it.
I hurried back into my apartment room unlocking the door. I know im always the first one back but I didn't want to risk running into anyone. I slammed the door and immediately plopped down on my bed, i closed my eyes only to have my day flash before me. The pain of dying over and over, watching my teammates die, being pelted with peices of their scattered flesh as they scream. I opened my eyes, tired, so so tired.

"Whateva" i grumble to myself before forcing myself up. I grab the phone off the plain end table by my bed and call up medic. (Its a rotary landline bc cannon is not long after ww2 i think but who cares)

"Jello vhat iz it?" He answered immediately.

"Doc, I can't sleep" i answered quick to get to the point.

"Ahh! Ja jello young Jeremy! Zhat is really notzing to be conzerned about." He laughed deliriously. "I have juzt ze ting come to my office"
*click- beep beep beep* he hung up on me in a hurry.

Me and doctor Ludwig had grown fairly close over our time together as coworkers. Especially considering the company keeps us all in the same shitty cramped barracks. Besides how can you not start grow an emotional bond with someone who saves your sorry life at least 20 times a day. I slipped my running shoes back on, before my drowsy treck down the hall to the room Ludwig had converted into a "doctor's office" of sorts. I stood at the door hearing voices from inside before knocking.

"JA COME IN" Ludwig yelled. "BAD ARCHIMEDES NO YOU CANT EAT ZHAT NO" he screamed from inside as audioable crashes could be heard. I opened the door to be met with Ludwid pulling his adored pet dove out of a jar of human eyes. (some of which had seen better days). "Jeremy! Wie geht es dir?" (how are you) He greeted, grinning from ear to ear.

"Ay I'm doing great 'cause I'm fucking awsome" i joked flexing my invisible biceps.

"Ja, ja, good, zhen vhy can't you zleep? He questioned motioning for me to sit down on his permanently blood stained operating seat while he rummaged through his cabinets.

"Well.." i started "Don't go spreading this 'kay? But every time i try to rest, its like my mind is still out there on the field. I-I keep seeing everyone dying and i know they'll respawn but the whole thing makes me feel sick its just such a massacre. I'm so tired of doin' this shit every day... I'm prolly jus bein a wuss" I mumbled.

"Ah." Ludwig gasped pulling an armful of jars out of the cabinet. "Hahah Zat is a normal reaction to your level of ztress zon't fret." He said. "Zounds like early ptsd how fascinating" He mumbled under his breath. But i heard it. "Jere, this Zolpidem should help you zleep UNLEZZ you juzt want anesthesia?" He asked, tossing me a sketchy reused prescription bottle.

"This is good, thanks doc. I'll let you know how it works out" i smirked warmly. "G'night, cya!" I chuckled. I hugging him quickly before i ran off.

"Good night Jeremy!" The medic replied in the distance.

Word count: 917

An: i got a paw patrol coloring book from the dollar tree today yippee