Too Small To Be Afraid

Chapter 3

The ride to Chancelor was a long one. It was around seven o'clock when we pulled into the station in our new home town. As soon as we got off the train, Dad's face lit up like a little kid during the Year's End Festival looking at all of the springtime decorations. He had something to say about nearly every street we went down, as well as every store and restaurant we passed. He pointed out a little bakery not far from the new apartment and suggested we check it out despite the fact that we still had our carry-ons with us.

After our aimless sightseeing was done—and by that, I mean after we managed to figure out where we were after getting lost, we finally arrived at our new apartment. We were greeted by faded blue walls, creaky floorboards, and artificial windows that wouldn't turn on. As expected, the place was barren of any furniture, so we had a rough night sleeping on the floor.

But, I'd rather be sleeping on any cold, hard floor now than moving these boxes in from the perthean lobby.

I try not to gaze upward at a ceiling that feels miles away as I go fetch more boxes to bring up to the apartment. I try not to look around me at all the furniture throughout the room that towers over me. I try to ignore the distant chatter of some pertheans having a business meeting with some humans on the other side of the room. I should feel safe at this distance, but the knowledge that one of those pertheans could come over and grab me if they wanted to lingers in the back of my mind as I walk through the lobby. A walk that would take minutes for me would be mere seconds to them. It would be nothing.

I heave one box atop some others and wheeze as I struggle to lift the whole stack up at once.

"Not so many at once, honey!" Dad says, approaching from behind. "Here, let me take this big one from the bottom."

I lift the two lighter boxes off of the bigger box so Dad can take it, and follow him up the stairs to the balcony. I keep my distance, though, lest he try to rope me into any more conversations with the perthean receptionist.

"She's almost done with high school," Dad says when he reaches the balcony.

Great. He's talking about me again. I speed up and head for the door to the human lobby as quickly as I can.

"This year will be stage 4d, her last year," he says.

"Senior year!" the receptionist exclaims gleefully. "Do you have any plans for university?"

I stop dead in my tracks. She must be talking to me.

"N-no, not yet. I'm still deciding on a career," I say. "Excuse me, I'm gonna set these boxes down."

I tighten my grip on the box in my hands and turn to enter the human lobby, a quivering breath escaping me. I don't understand why the movers couldn't have just delivered our storage container back to the undercity so we could unload through the human lobby.

"Sorry," Dad says from behind me. "She's a little shy."

I board the reserved elevator and hit '8' on the wall with my elbow. The button gives off a dull glow as a chime plays overhead and the doors begin to close.

"Wait! Hold the door!" Dad exclaims, running up to the elevator.

I'm surprised he actually wrapped up his chat with the receptionist that quickly. When Dad starts a conversation, it can be hard for him to stop. I'm just glad we're making progress with these boxes at all.

I hold the door open with my foot, and Dad joins me inside the elevator with the box he was carrying. I remove my foot from the door, and it glides shut, leaving us alone inside.

"Kaylin," Dad says. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

Oh, boy. Here it comes.

Dad lets out a cough before continuing, "I know you've been having a hard time managing your fear lately with how much we've been above ground. I know it isn't easy for you being around pertheans, but I want to make sure you know that having a fear of pertheans is not an excuse to be rude to them," he says.

I immediately regret holding the door.

"I'm not trying to be rude," I say, adjusting my grip on the boxes in my hands. "I'm just trying to get away."

"That's exactly what I mean," Dad says. "I think you owe it to them to at least try to have a decent conversation every once in a while."

"Owe it to them? Because I have a fear?" I ask. "So having a fear is wrong?"

"That's not what I mean. It's just that..." Dad sighs, shifting in place. "They deserve to be treated just like you'd treat anyone else, no matter how tall they are to us."

"But what if a perthean finds out I have a fear? What if they hold that against me? What if–"

"I think most would respect you for pushing past it," Dad interrupts.

"I want to push past it," I say, searching for the words to use. "I just don't know how I'm supposed to do that. It's so hard when all I think about is–"

"Then don't think about that," Dad interrupts again. "Like you said before, it's best not to go back there."

The elevator plays another one of its soft chimes, and the doors open for us. We step out, carrying our boxes down the hall to the apartment.

"Think on something positive. Don't you have any good memories with at least one perthean?" Dad asks.

I think for a moment. "Well, I guess Ms. Sena was nice."

"Your stage two teacher? That's a good start."

"But stage two was when..." I trail off, stopping in the middle of the hall. I look down at the boxes in my hands as my mind threatens to take me to a place I don't want to return to.

"Kaylin," Dad says, turning around.

I look up at him. "Yes?"

"This world is full of things dangerous to humans. As long as we choose to live on Perthea, we accept that risk. What matters is how we choose to respond to that risk, and frankly," he says, "I believe we're too small to be afraid."

I don't want to argue, but I can't help but wonder what that's supposed to mean as I follow Dad into the apartment.