One-Time Thing • KNJ

6~ Trouble at Home

Namjoon's POV

I'm at home showering where I was confused and torn as I replayed everything that happened today.

I didn't expect to have my heart feel like it was breaking. I didn't expect to have a tear as I watched Siri leave the cafe. And I didn't expect to have any feelings at all for someone who wasn't my wife.

As I washed my hair, I asked myself how could I be feeling this way?

I hardly knew Siri— although, we did just get to know each other a bit more today, but still... We haven't spent that much together to have grown such strong feelings... Right?

But Siri admitted she's had a crush on me for three years, and I was honestly still stunned about it.

I suppose with the way I feel heartbroken, I obviously did grow some feelings for her. I just didn't know they were that strong.

It really made my heart ache thinking about everything Siri said. Especially when she said she was happy just admiring me from the sidelines because she knew she couldn't have me. That's not how someone like her should be living.

She should be giving her attention to someone who's able to reciprocate her feelings with no hesitation, not someone who's married and confused about their feelings.

Fuck, this is a mess. I don't know what to do because I obviously have feelings for two women when I'm meant to have feelings for only one of them.

Right now, I wish that night with Siri never happened. I wish I was still oblivious to her feelings. I wish my wife hadn't suggested anything. I wish I was a better husband and lover 'cause none of this would've happened if I had been better for Halsey.

Or would it?

Sometimes I think about what Halsey said to Siri that night; about having fun while young. Maybe we should've had a break during college so Halsey could've had her fun?

If I hadn't been so insistent on proving to my parents that Halls and I were a good match, maybe I would've seen that she actually wanted space? Maybe I would've seen the signs that she didn't feel as strongly as I did about us?

And maybe, if I took a step back, I might see that Halls may have only stayed with me this long because I fought so hard for us, and she didn't want to let my efforts go to waste.

I could be wrong with my thoughts, but there are some days where I get the feeling something's off with her, and maybe, I'm not too far off with my thoughts.

After finishing my shower, I dry up, put some clothes on, and then do some laundry. I mainly do the housework in our house since Halsey has the busier job. It's just the kitchen I can't spend too much time in since I'm always breaking or burning something.

I mull over what happened today as I put our clean clothes away, but when it came to putting Halsey's underwear away, I froze up and was confused at what I saw.

Hidden between some underwear were birth control pills. Why would Halls have those?

Two years ago she said she would come off the pill and if a baby happens, it happens. She never told me she was going back on the pill. It's not like we were desperately trying for a baby or anything, but I thought one day she might surprise me with a pregnancy announcement. That's obviously not happening anytime soon if she's back on the pill, though.

Why would she be back on them and not tell me? And why'd she hide them? I feel like this is something she should've told me so then I'm not left wondering why we haven't gotten pregnant yet.