One-Time Thing • KNJ

8~ Torn

Namjoon was busy stacking books in a secluded corner of the library when he heard rushed footsteps from a distance. The steps happened to get louder as it sounded like it was getting closer to him, until suddenly, a petite body rounded the corner of the big bookshelf Namjoon was stacking.

"Siri? What are you doing here?" Namjoon asked with surprise.

With her chest puffing up and down from her run— and from how hard her heart was pounding for him— Siri looked around the area first to make sure they were alone and that there were no security cameras to catch anything.

Once confirmed they were alone and had privacy, she marched up to Namjoon, grabbed his tie, pulled him down at the same time that she went on her tippy toes, and then she kissed him.

Namjoon's breath hitched at the pull Siri did, and his eyes widened once he felt Siri's lips were on his. But not even a second later, he melted right into the kiss, dropping the books he held onto the floor, and then his arms wrapped around Siri's waist, pulling her closer to deepen their kiss.

Both their hearts went erratic. Warmth bloomed within them causing their bodies to feel hot. Their lips smacked and tongues massaged each other while their hands needily groped one another in all the private places.

But once Namjoon heard Siri moan into their kiss, he realised what he was doing and snapped himself out of it.

"Mm, wait," he mumbled against Siri's lips as he gently pushed her away with his hands holding her shoulders. With a very heavy heart, he tells her, "We can't— I can't do this."

Siri clutched Namjoon's waist and tie so she couldn't be too far from him, then she gazed up at him with confusion and hurt, but also a little bit of hope. Considering Namjoon's hands were still on her shoulders, still keeping her close, it was clear to Siri that Namjoon was conflicted.

Except now was the time for her to find out if Namjoon really wanted her.

"You said in the end you wanted me that night, right?" She asked him.

"Yes, but—"

"When I said I wished it was you that could treat me right, you agreed?"

"I did, but—"

"Do you still want me now?"

Namjoon's eyes widened for a moment as he was slightly stunned at Siri's straight-forward questions. He was torn about how to answer because yes, part of him— a big part— wanted her, but he knew he shouldn't want her, and he knew that he couldn't be with her.

"I'll admit that I've missed you..."

Siri shook her head and held tighter to Namjoon's waist and pulled him closer by his tie. She was desperate to know if he felt the same way. "That wasn't what I asked. Do you still want me now?"

Siri saw Namjoon's face contort with what looked like pain, and it made her heart ache to see him so torn.

She understands she was putting him in a tight spot, and she could actually make things easier for herself if she just told Namjoon about seeing his wife and that guy a couple weeks ago. Except Siri didn't want Namjoon to choose her just because his wife may have chosen someone else first. She wanted him to choose her because he genuinely wanted her, not because he wanted to get even with his wife.

"Tell me, Joonie. Do you want me like I want you? Because if you don't, then I'll let you go, here and now."

Namjoon's heart was racing so hard. He was stuck on answering Siri's question. Does he follow his marriage obligations? Does he choose the woman who he worked so hard for, only for that woman to chip away at him and his heart, leaving him lonely, unappreciated, and unloved?

Or does he go for the woman who's like a breath of fresh air? The one who seems to fix all those little chips and broken pieces with a smile, and lights up his day?

It was a no-brainer, really. Namjoon knew which one he should go for. He knew which woman he wanted more.

But he couldn't choose Siri while he was tied to someone else. It wouldn't be right. A husband is meant to choose his wife.

Even though his marriage is slowly collapsing, and even while he's slowly falling out of love, there is still a part of him that loves his wife. There's 11 years worth of love and history together, and he couldn't give up on all of that just yet.

Right now, while his heart is hating him at the moment, Namjoon tries to convince himself his marriage is just in a rough patch. Tries to convince himself that there is something worth saving in his marriage. Even though his heart was yearning for the woman right in front of him, there was another woman who had his heart first.

Namjoon swallowed the big lump in his throat, trying to push away the tears he could feel prickling his eyes, then he gave Siri an apologetic look. "I do want you— more than anything— but I'm sorry, we can't go any further."

A husband is meant to choose his wife.

Siri's heart breaks and a tear falls down her cheek. Namjoon quickly uses his thumb to wipe her tear away. "Please don't cry," he says softly, his heart breaking as another tear falls from her eyelids.

"I'm sorry," Siri says as her voice shakes, her hopes to be with him were crushed.

"Like I said, I do wish it could be me. I'm really sorry it can't be."

She nods and tells him she understands. She gives him a soft kiss on the cheek before she slowly and painfully lets go of him. Both their hearts ache with every step she takes back.

Namjoon's heart and gut were screaming at him to take it all back. To take her back. Bring her back into his arms.

His brain had to try hard to really convince his heart that he was doing the right thing. That choosing his wife is the right thing to do. But then why did it feel so wrong?

Siri wipes her tears off her cheeks then looks at Namjoon. She could see he was on the verge of tears too with his face the most sorrowful she's ever seen. She knew this was a hard decision for him, and she took some comfort knowing that he must have meant what he said.

"Before I leave," Siri says, "I just want to mention something..."

Namjoon sniffles his tears away, wiping a corner of his eye, and clears his throat. "Yeah?"

"I um... I saw Halsey... About two weeks ago..."

"You did? She never mentioned she saw you." Namjoon was a little surprised and confused to hear this. He wondered why Halsey never mentioned anything. But then he remembered how Halsey had questioned him if he had seen Siri, and that was around two weeks ago, too...

"Well she was with someone— a guy. And she was holding his hand when they crossed the road..."

Namjoon became silent and felt an uncomfortable feeling in chest while Siri continued...

"She saw me and said the guy was her work colleague, and that they were just holding hands because it was a busy, dangerous road..." Siri looks at Namjoon with her eyes telling him she didn't believe it, and honestly, Namjoon didn't believe that either. He knows Halsey is perfectly capable of crossing a busy road by herself. It made that uncomfortable feeling in his chest get worse.

"They were off to have lunch together, and another man did join them, but I just thought you should know what I saw."

Namjoon swallows another thick lump in his throat and nods. "Thank you for letting me know."

Namjoon felt his stomach churning at the thought that he may have made a mistake in choosing his wife over Siri, but he kept trying to convince himself there was still something to save in his marriage. It could all just be a misunderstanding, and maybe Halsey really needed to hold someone's hand while crossing the road?...

Siri nods and starts to turn to leave, but then she remembers one other detail she thought she should mention.

"Oh, and um... The guy she was holding hands with? She said his name was Yoongi."

And just like that, Namjoon feels his heart shatter.

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