tw for abuse mentions, violence/gore, torture, transphobia, referenced self harm
I thought I would be okay. I thought that I would never have to think about him again, that I would never have to remember that awful night ever, ever again. I thought everything would be fine. It has been three and a half fucking months, for God's sake. I thought I would never have my mind dwell on Jackson ever again.
Oh, how I was wrong.
Who doesn't love to spend their Valentine's day working on a case that brings back horrible memories, right? Who doesn't love being reminded of the day their boyfriend tried to kill them whenever they look at the pictures of victims for their job? Who doesn't love remembering the feeling of his hands around their throat, squeezing until they could barely breathe?
I stare at the photos in front of me, biting my lip. My gaze lingers on the heavy bruising around the victims' throats, the purple and green and yellow blossoming across their skin. Just like how my own neck had looked when Jackson choked me.
I force those thoughts out of my mind, dragging myself back into the present moment. Hastily closing the case file, I take a deep breath. The others start boarding the jet, muttering amongst themselves. Derek sits down beside me, studying my face with a mildly concerned expression.
"What?" I ask him, fidgeting with my hands. I have been practically unable to stop fidgeting for the entirety of this case.
"Nothing, just... You alright?" he responds as JJ takes a seat across from us, Reid sitting beside her.
I shrug slightly. "I'm fine," I answer. "The case was just... I don't know, tough, I guess."
He eyes me curiously for a moment. I look away quickly, catching Reid's stare as I do. I rest my elbow on the arm of the chair, leaning my head against my hand as I shift to look out the window. I can still feel Reid's gaze lingering on me.
"Anyone want a drink?" Rossi asks as he heads towards the small kitchen of the jet.
"Me, definitely," JJ responds with a sigh, running a hand through her hair.
"Me too," Derek adds.
"Me three," Emily chimes in.
"Aaron?" Rossi questions.
"Not tonight," Hotch answers.
"Spencer? Y/n?"
"No, thanks," I respond.
Reid shakes his head. "Me neither."
I chew on my nails and the skin around them as I stare mindlessly outside, my throat feeling tight with the remembrance of Jackson's grip. I can't focus on anything with the image of his face flashing constantly in my mind, the way he looked while he had his hands around my throat, squeezing until I could not breathe.
The past few months have sucked. My paranoia has spiked crazily, making me anxious to go anywhere other than work or home. Sometimes even my apartment is a scary place to be in, even after he packed up his shit and moved. He still knows where I live. It is not like I can go stay with Alice, or Ezra, or June, because they are all still pissed at me. Their annoyance has lessened somewhat, but they still do not talk to me much. Only when necessary. I did consider asking my mom if I could stay at her place for a while, but I decided against it. I did not want to cause her more stress than necessary.
YOU ARE READING
checkmate , s.reid
Fanfiction"What? Explain it to me! I don't get it. Tell me!" "God, it doesn't matter, okay?" "No, it does matter! Tell me. Jus- just tell me why we-" "Because! Because I fucking love you, alright! You're such an idiot. I'm entirely in love with you. Are you h...
