Stand Still

Chapter 30: The Confession

Everyone returned after dinner. Atlas had received the salt delivery and promptly worked on having all places tended to. Lucas had brought up my dinner and I ate rather quietly in the bedroom. He was very cautious of my demeanor and I could tell it made him anxious.

"Is something wrong Sash?"

"No," I said tipping the can of Brisk back.

"You seem upset." He said grabbing my hand and rubbing his thumb over it. The feeling of pure comfort in one gesture.

"Okay, something is wrong." I needed to tell him something so I wouldn't leave his gut feeling up in the air. The last thing, however, would be my confession of Atlas.

"Hanna basically threatened me with your history together. It was childish and I honestly don't want to spend my time around someone like that. I know she's your friend and all so you can stay but I think I rather be dropped off to a station or something for the rest of the week..." I said staring down at our entwined hands.

Lucas's face was shocked and upset, a mix of emotions and only a bit of what would have happened had I disclosed my previous affair with Atlas.

"Uh...I honestly didn't know she would treat you this way. But Sasha, I don't want you to leave alone. We can go together."

Great. This was now feeling like I'm a dramatic partner and coming off as clingy, controlling, but most of all jealous.

"No, it's fine. I'll go Lucas. Enjoy your time with your other normal friends. I'll be fine. Plus I could recover from this." I said pointing at the bruise which had now fully discolored into a deep blue and purple on my head.

He was watching me with complete disbelief in his eyes. I felt terrible putting him in this predicament, choosing me or his close friends.

"We can go, Sasha. I made a commitment to you, and my word stands."

I felt a piece of my heart physically crumble and the guilt was now amplified by a million. This man, yet again proclaiming his loyalty by choosing me over them. I had to be the one to sacrifice now.

"No Lucas, I'm sorry. I'll just stay here with you. I'm sorry. If we leave I'll be as childish as Hanna. I rather just stick it out and avoid her."

I gently smiled at him and he bursted into his famous boyish look. He leaned down and kissed me tenderly. When he let go, there was a longing in his eyes, a lust for me. I couldn't give him what he wanted, I was sore from Atlas and I was now feeling overwhelmed with guilt. Why would I give myself to someone other than Lucas? Could I vow a lifetime of loyalty to him? Would it be fair?

"My head still hurts, so we won't be able to...you know..."

He nodded in sincere agreement.

"It's okay, Sash. I'm actually going to get ready for bed with you. I can't wait to sleep."

We laid in bed and fell into a deep slumber. The next morning we were awaken by banging on our door.

"That would be the signature Fritz breakfast knock," Lucas whispered in my ear. He was referring to Morgan and James Fritz.

We walked down the stairs and were greeted by a full table of a proper English breakfast. It was my first time trying it and Atlas teased me about the beans on toast. He was obviously flirting because Hanna nearly choked on her tomatoes at his comment.

"Well, Atlas, tell me, what girl's got you this cheery?" Hanna asked.

Atlas continued cutting into his breakfast and shrugged his shoulders. An expected response as the group accepted.