OFTEN (BOOK 1)

You're Beautiful

Hanni

My head wasn't in the game. I had a few things to show Ms. Kim before she left for the day, had to get some documents to legal for signatures, but I felt like I was walking through wet sand, the phone conversation with my dad looping endlessly through my thoughts. As I walked into Ms. Kim's office, I stared down at the papers in my arms, realizing how many things I'd need to organize today: plane tickets, someone to pick up my mail, maybe even a temp for while I was gone. How long would I be gone?

I registered Ms. Kim was saying something—loudly—in my direction. What was she saying? She came into focus in front of me and I heard the end of her rant, ". . . barely paying attention. Jesus, Miss Pham, do I need to write this down for you?"

"Can we skip this game today?" I asked, tired.

"The . . . what now?"

"This asshole-boss routine."

Her eyes widened, brows drawing together. "Excuse me?"

"I realize you get your rocks off on being an epic dick to me, and I'll admit that sometimes it's actually kind of sexy, but I'm having a horrible, awful day and would really appreciate it if you would just not speak. To me." I was close to tears, my chest constricting painfully. "Please."

She looked like she'd been blindsided, blinking rapidly as she stared. Finally, she spluttered, "What just happened?"

I swallowed, regretting my tantrum. Things were always better with her when I kept my wits. "I overreacted to being yelled at. I apologize."

She got up and began walking toward me, but at the last minute she stopped and sat down on the corner of her desk, fiddling awkwardly with a crystal paperweight. "No, I mean, why is your day so horrible? What's going on?" Her voice was softer than I'd ever heard it outside of sex. Except this time, she wasn't quiet to keep a secret; she was quiet because she seemed genuinely concerned.

I didn't want to talk to her about this because part of me expected her to mock me. But an even larger part was beginning to suspect that she wouldn't. "My dad has to have some tests. He's having trouble eating."

Ms. Kim's face fell. "Eating? Is it an ulcer?"

I explained what I knew, that it had started suddenly and an early scan showed a small mass on his esophagus.

"Can you go home?"

I stared at her. "I don't know. Can I?"

She winced, blinked away. "Am I really that big of a jerk?"

"Sometimes." I immediately regretted it, because no, she'd never done anything to make me think she'd keep me from my sick father.

She nodded, swallowing thickly as she stared out the window. "You can take whatever time you need, of course."

"Thank you."

I stared at the floor, waiting for her to continue with the list of the day's tasks. But silence engulfed the room instead. I could see in my peripheral vision that she'd turned back and was watching me.

"Are you okay?" She'd said it so quietly I wasn't even sure I heard her right.

I considered lying, wrapping up this most awkward of conversations. Instead, I said, "Not really."

Her hand reached up, dug into her hair. "Close my office door," she said.

I nodded, oddly disappointed to be so quietly dismissed. "I'll bring the notes from legal for—"

"I mean close the door, but stay."

Oh.

Oh.

I turned, walking across the plush carpet in complete silence. Her office door closed with a heavy click.

"Lock it."

I turned the lock and felt her move closer until her breath fanned warm across the back of my neck.

"Let me touch you. Let me do something."

She understood. She knew what she could give me—distraction, relief, pleasure in the face of surging panic. I didn't reply because I knew I didn't need to. I'd closed and locked the door after all.

But then I felt her lips, soft and pressing against my shoulder, up my neck. "You smell . . . amazing," she said, untying my dress where it fastened behind my neck. "I always smell like you for hours afterward."

She didn't add whether that was a good thing or a bad thing and I found that I didn't care. I liked that she smelled me even when I'd gone.

With her hands sliding to my hips, she turned me to face her and bent to kiss me in a single, smooth movement. This was different. Her mouth was soft, almost asking. There was nothing tentative about the kiss—there was never anything tentative about her—but this kiss almost felt more adoring and less like a battle being lost.

She pushed my dress from my shoulders and it pooled at my feet as she stepped back, giving just enough room to let the cool air of her office wash her heat from my skin.

"You're beautiful."

Before I could process the soft delivery of these new words she threw me a smirk and leaned to kiss me as she grabbed my panties, twisted and ripped them.

This, we knew.

I reached for her pants but she stepped away, shaking her head. She moved her hand between my legs, found smooth, wet skin. Her breath grew faster on my cheek and her fingers were somehow careful and hard, her words coming out deep, filthy, telling me I was beautiful, I was so dirty. Telling me I was a tease, and how good I made her feel.

She told me how much she craved the way I sound when I come.

And even when I did, gasping and clutching her shoulders through her suit, all I could think was that I wanted to touch her too. That I wanted to hear her get lost in me the same way. And it terrified me.

She withdrew her fingers, sweeping across my sensitive clit when she did, and eliciting an involuntary shudder.

"Sorry, sorry," she whispered in response, kissing my jaw, my chin, my—

"Don't." I said, turning my mouth away from her. The sudden intimacy she offered, on top of everything else today, was too bewildering, too much.

Her forehead rested against mine for a few beats before she nodded, once. It wrecked me, suddenly, realizing that I'd always assumed she held the power and I held none, but in this moment I knew that I could have as much power over her as I wanted. I just had to be brave enough to take it.

"I'll be leaving town this weekend. I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"Well, then get back to work while you're here, Miss Pham.”