Diary of a Human-Raised Imp: A Helluva Boss AU Fanfic

Murder Family

In Hell, Blitzo wakes up and gets out of bed.

He then goes out and sees a sofa.

Hell's own counterpart to Lay-Z-Boy.

He sits in it, and lays down.

Millie: Oh, I see you've found our Lay-Z-Imp.

Millie enters, smiling.

Blitzo looks confused.

Millie: It's...furniture. Ya know, like...a bed?

Blitzo tilts his head.

Millie: Anyways, we've gotta get to work, sweetie.

****

At work, while Max and Mikey are at school, Striker explains to Blitzo.

Striker: Alright, so I'm the founder and boss and receptionist, Moxxie's the weapons specialist, and Mildred's the powerhouse. We get our book from exchanges with Stolas, don't worry, nothin' sexual. Because of your inexperience, it's best if you are a receptionist.

Blitzo arches a brow.

Striker: Ya know, answerin' calls, all that shit. *Hears a ding* Oh, there's a client already. Wait here.

Blitzo waits as Striker answers.

****

Striker talks to a purple sinner demon female with gray hair, red eyes, digigrade legs, and horns.

Striker: So, who do you want offed, Mrs. Mayberry?

Mrs. Mayberry sighs, before explaining.

Mrs. Mayberry: I was once a good person before it all went down...I was good my entire life...

She was once a human teacher. She loved her job, and loved her students. She had a stable marriage with Jarold, her now ex-husband. However, when using FaceTime to surprise him on his birthday, she found Jarold cheating with a woman named Martha, and killed him while fatally injuring Martha. However, her students watched through FaceTime in horror, and a guilty Mayberry committed suicide in front of them.

Mrs. Mayberry: You do everything right in life. Play by all the rules. And still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epsteins of the world! After one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So that's why I'm here, to get my revenge...

Striker: Partner, I think they're both dead. There's no way they-

Mayberry: Not all of them. That whore survived...now they all call her a 'hero'. Between the talk shows and donation bullshit, she makes so much goddamn cash, getting shot was the best thing to happen to her!

Striker: Alright...well then...

****

Blitzo goes around, as Moxxie introduces him to video games using a Sintendo Switch.

Moxxie: Alright, first, let's start with easy ones. Why not Hell's version of Goat Simulator? It's basically the human world's Goat Simulator meets GTA.

They enter the menu and look at controls, as they then set the difficulty to "very easy" before starting the game.

Moxxie: Alright, use the joystick.

Blitzo looks at it and moves it, moving the goat.

Moxxie: Alright, kiddo, now press A.

Blitzo then makes the goat jump.

Moxxie: Good, good. See that? Those are guns, your goat can collect those while getting mutators. Also, that red circle with the dot on it? That allows you to aim.