Remembering You

Familiar and yet...

I couldn't really see what he looked like with his shirt off from a distance, and since he was sitting to the side, he didn't look overweight, at least.

"Well, she's young enough. Does it really matter if her mommy isn't the same? She will adjust to what the new mommy is," Isabella said, surprisingly standing up for me. I didn't even know if I wanted anything to do with Sera, but I also didn't want the chance of a future relationship taken from me either. I was still her biological mom.

"That thing is not mother material. She fucking bit you. She's a demon in an angel's clothing," Jason said, clearly not holding back when he wasn't in front of me. I felt my breath hitch, realizing he truly did hate me. I didn't even remember biting her, yet I was still being judged for it. Was not losing all my memories not sufficient to earn some forgiveness?

"She's been through a lot," Isabella said weakly, trying to defend me, putting the last of his bandages on his shoulder and letting him put his shirt on.

"Yes, well, the Anna I knew had grown up in the most abusive home known to man, but she was the sweetest...most gentle soul ever. She would never hurt a fly. That's why she lost her mind when she thought she lost the babies. Now though... it's like that person is just gone. She doesn't exist anymore. And I'm sitting here still so fucking in love with her, and I look at her and ...nothing...if she looks at me at all, it's with hatred. The life that I fell in love with is gone," he said, with so much hatred for me and so much pain for himself. I didn't have to see his face to know that when Isabella leaned in, she was wiping away his tears.

"She has nothing to miss. She has nothing but a clean slate on which to make happy memories. Yet, I can't let go of who she was. I never will, I think. I'm going to my meeting with the CDC. I don't even know if I'm coming back. If I can handle it anymore," he said, his emotions back under control somewhat, to at least just hatred and not heartbreak and hatred.

I collapsed on the other side of the desk and curled up in a ball with my knees pulled up to my chest. My tears flowed silently, my heart breaking despite not even remembering what it felt like to love. It was as if even though the memory had vanished, the shadow of emotion had left behind an imprint that was impossible to wash away, only to ignore. And his defiant declaration of hatred had opened that shallow wound deeply, making my heart pour out of the gash.

I heard their footsteps but didn't have the energy to get up and walk away so I wasn't caught; all desire in life had vanished. I heard them stop right in front of me and anticipated yelling for eavesdropping, but it never came. Jason inhaled deeply, clearly exhausted.

"Apparently, the accident didn't fix the sleepwalking," he said with more annoyance than anything.

"Should I wake her?" Isabella asked with a far more compassionate tone.

"No. It can cause nightmares if you do. She will find her way back," he said, his footsteps continuing down the hall after a brief pause.

"I will let you know if anything changes with Sera. She's a little trooper, though," Isabella said, her voice following Jason away from me.

"I will check back on her when my meeting is done in a few hours, though she'll probably be asleep by then."

"I heard she hasn't been sleeping well..." The voices faded down the hall, and I lost track of them. I wanted to cry. And scream. And throw things. Life was so unfair. It wasn't my fault I had forgotten my memory, and yet my own husband treated me with such cruelty and coldness. So what if I wasn't exactly who I was before? He needed to get the fuck over it and get to know the new me. Maybe I was a great person. Who knew? I certainly didn't.

I wiped away my tears and pulled myself together, only to realize Isabella wasn't the only nurse on duty. A tall, plump nurse was staring down at me sympathetically, seeing the tears I had been trying to brush away.