Secrets of Mine

Chapter Nine - Freya

Freya's POV

I have this bad feeling. This really bad feeling. I'm asleep right now. I know this is a nightmare, I know that, but everything in it feels real and I have a bad feeling.

I think I'm five, maybe six. I'm in the house we grew up in and I can hear them arguing in the kitchen. It's my day to be upstairs. Allie's all alone in the basement, but I'm not allowed to go down there. I was sitting by the door, tapping on the wood when I heard the shouting. It's my dad and the woman again.

She's crying now, and I pad towards the kitchen in my fluffy socks. I peer through the open door. It's the same woman as last time with the long blonde hair and faded blue jeans. She's thinner now, like Allie was after she got sick for a week. There are small bruises on her arms too. I'm not sure I like the woman. She cries a lot, and she makes dad mad.

"I can't do this anymore," she says, her voice shaking. "A cat, Arthur. I found it's insides in the freezer. Perfectly dissected. That's not normal."

My father's face is blank. He never looks like that when we're out. I think he's very good at pretending. "We're not a normal family," he says. "You know that. I've shown you that."

He reaches a hand towards the woman's face, but she pulls away and stands behind one of the kitchen chairs. She grips the back of the chair so hard I get scared she might break it. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I thought you might need reminding that you are a mother. That you don't get to run away. That if you want our children to remain alive you will do as I say."

A sob breaks free. She looks away from him and for a second our eyes meet.

I yank myself away from the doorway and press my back against the wall. My heart is running a race inside of me. The bad feeling gets worse. I try to breathe quieter so I can hear what they're saying.

"Let me take them to the apartment," she pleads. "Let me take my daughters with me."

"You know I can't do that, Hannah. I haven't finished teaching them yet."

I don't know what he means by that. I thought the teachers at school taught us. I like school. I wish I could go every day. I wish I could go with Allie.

It goes quiet in the kitchen, so I risk peeling away from the wall and peeking inside again. I shouldn't have done. The woman sees me, and I freeze but she doesn't tell my dad.

Outside of the dream, I become vaguely aware of the sweat on my skin, of the bedsheets tangled around my body. I don't want to see what happens next. I don't want to live this again. But I can't wake up.

I want to tell the woman with the blonde hair to look away, that if she doesn't my dad's going to realize I'm here. I shout at her in my head, but she keeps her eyes on me. "Why can't you take-"

"Naughty, naughty." The voice sends shivers crawling through me. "Eavesdropping is bad."

I go to run but his fist grabs my ponytail and yanks me back. I fall over but he doesn't let go and I'm dragged down the corridor. I scream.

My eyes flick open wide, and I keep screaming. Shadows play in the dim hotel room, and I swear to god I've never felt terror like this. A dark form appears above me and I kick out until I realize it's River.

The bedside light flicks on. River sits up and pulls me into his lap. "It's alright, you're alright."

I cling to him, burying my damp face in the crook of his neck. The familiar scent of his aftershave calms me, pine with just a hint of apple. I can't talk yet, but River just rocks me back and forth, his lips pressed to the top of my head. I'm crying, silent tears streaming down my cheeks and onto River's shoulder.