Second Chances

Day Four, Part Three - Confessions...

I watch as Chelsea saunters her way over to where AJ and Noah were still talking. They pause and smile at her, before each of them begin to nod to whatever it was she was saying. Noah heads off towards the gym, then shortly after AJ hugs Chelsea then goes towards the Villa doors. Chelsea smirks as she turns around and winks at me.

She walks passed me and whispers, "Beach Hut." Giving my bum a quick tap, before she makes her way over to Talia on the swing.

I lazily stroll into the villa, trying to make it seem like I'm not up to anything suspicious. Although I wasn't really, I was only going to go and have a chat with AJ; I just couldn't do that without Talia always being around.
I must thank Chelsea when I get a chance.

The Beach Hut door clicks open and sitting in the 'love seat' is AJ with a mischievous look upon her face.

"We should really stop meeting like this, people are going to start to talk." I joke.

"Let them." She pats the space beside her.

I became a little nervous as I shut the door behind me, not knowing how this was going to go. I rub the top of my arm walking towards her and then manoeuvre myself awkwardly as I sit down.

AJ tries to hide her laugh as she watches me but takes my hand in hers, using her other hand to stroke my fingers gently. I get lost in her eyes as she looks up at me through her long lashes. My hand automatically tucks a piece of loose hair behind AJ's ear, making a faint blush appear on her cheeks at my touch.

She clears her throat, "Chelsea said you wanted to talk, away from prying eyes."

"She did, did she?" A nervous giggle comes out. "I may have said that it wasn't easy to really get to know you with certain people around. You're a hot commodity you know?"

"You mean Talia, yeah she certainly knows what she wants." AJ replies with an expression, that I'm unsure what it means.

I nod. "It's good that she knows what she wants, but it would be nice to be able to grab you for a chat without having to be 'sneaky' about it."

"I'm sorry." AJ states biting her bottom lip.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, I guess I'm just a little envious of all the time she gets to spend with you and on top of that, you guys get to share a bed and have that chance to have pillow talk." I squeeze her hand. "I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to do that with her, as I'm still not 100% sure what I want yet; it's only been a few days. It would just be nice to be able to explore all of the options without people's jealousy getting in the way, or stepping on toes you know?"

She nods. "Yeah I get what you're saying, but please don't feel like you can't pull me for a chat if Talia is around."

"I don't want to interrupt or get in the way if you guys are going well though." I reply.

"Talia and I do get along really well, she seems to really like me and I'm enjoying my time with her, but there's just... there's something about you that I get drawn to. I mean we've obviously got a physical attraction towards one another, as we've kissed a few times. Is that all there is to it though? I don't think so." She blushes.

"Me neither."

AJ smiles. As we sit in the quiet for a moment, I contemplate whether to tell her about Noah and I. If she watched our season at all, then she would know about the history he and I had. The way he would change his mind with Hope, come back to me telling me what I wanted to hear and it looking like I'd throw myself at him.
Perhaps she hadn't watched it, I'd be lucky if that were the case.

"I spoke with Noah about this." AJ begins pointing between us. "About you guys too, briefly."

My heart pounds in my chest, what had Noah said and what do I say in response.

"You did?" I ask.

She hums a yes in response. "I know you guys have this history from being together here last time. I have seen parts of it. I know how producers only show the juicy bits on the show, I know there were a few bits with you, Noah and Hope that they may have made it seem worse than it was really. I don't know what happened between those snippets they show the public."

I nod in agreement. "They certainly made me seem like the bad guy in some parts, but they never showed the parts where he and Hope argued constantly and she would put him down, or when he and I would have our heart to hearts and just talk, they focused on the physical and sneaky side of it. I know I'm not a saint and I held my hands up to making those mistakes. What did Noah say?"

"I just wanted to see where his head was at now he'd had a chance to wrap his head around being back here with you again, he basically told me that you are the one he wants and that he doesn't see his head turning." AJ gives me a small sad smile. "So I do feel a little cautious of the relationship you two have, not in a - I want to back off trying my luck, just in a kinda - will I be able to compete for your affections, if you guys are going down that road and already having that connection to build on."

I let what she says sink in, before replying.

"Noah and I have a complicated history, all the sneaking around and other people getting hurt in the process wasn't great. We aren't the same people anymore, it's been years..." I hesitate momentarily before continuing, "but, I'm not going to lie we have had an 'intimate' moment here and it shouldn't have happened. I can't blame it on saying I'm a sexual person and I love physical touch, I should have told Noah no, but we both got carried away and something happened."

I can see a flicker of hurt in AJ's eyes from my confession, but I promised myself I wasn't going to lie and hide things this time, so I continue.

"We were talking this morning, when you came over actually. Saying that it was a mistake and that we shouldn't have done anything physical until we knew exactly what we wanted, I should have stopped it. Unfortunately I can't change what happened and I'm not going to apologise for it happening, but I also don't want to go around hiding things again from people I want to get to know and have secrets."

I pause for a moment, watching the cogs ticking in her brain. "I did say to him that I would like to continue getting to know you more as we'd begun to build a connection. Although by looking at your face, I've probably just fucked that up."

I wince to myself as I say the last part and at the thought of hurting someone again. I waited patiently for AJ to respond to my confession, she was looking down at our joined hands. She hadn't let go yet, so perhaps I hadn't completely messed everything up. When she finally looks up at me I can see she is holding back her emotions, as her eyes had a small watery sheen to them.

AJ squeezes my hand, "I'm gonna take some time to let that sink in. I think you and I need to take some time and think about what it is we want too. I'm here to find someone who just wants me, I've been a third wheel before and I don't want to be in that situation again."

We sit in a deafening silence, neither of us knowing what to say. My mind swims around trying to find the right words to make it better, but I feel anything I do say may make it worse. So we sit there staring at one another, the seconds seem to tick by slowly and it feels like a good 10 minutes of us sitting there without a word.

"I'm gonna..." AJ stops herself, before letting go of my hand, standing up and walking out of the beach hut without looking back.

Shit!