The Girl Who Wanted to Wear Diapers

Chapter 16: Let It All Soak In

I couldn't fully blame my lack of sleep for how distracted I was from the standardized test I was taking.

I suppressed yet another yawn as I tried to recall all the advice Grace had given me about multiple-choice tests. There was the obvious – when in doubt, choose "C." Then, there were other pieces of advice, such as working to eliminate wrong answers to make it easier when I still needed to guess.

On the geometry question I was staring at, I was fairly certain that "C" was incorrect, and I was skeptical of "D" as well.

That's what made the whole thing suck even more. If I just had more time to work things through on a sheet of paper, perhaps I'd arrive at the answer, but I had a little over a minute for each question, meaning I had to just mark an answer and move on to the next one or risk not completely finishing the test.

I took hold of my pencil and filled in the "B" circle. At least I had narrowed that question down to having a fifty percent chance of getting it right.

Nine months of learning all boiled down to two days of filling in circles for hours and hours on end. I hated that this was supposed to somehow serve as proof that I had managed to learn anything over the course of the school year. Then again, it wasn't as though my performance throughout the rest of the school year could have been regarded as spectacular.

If I had considered how tired the bedwetting was going to make me, I might have been able to exercise enough self-control to delay this experiment until after the school year had ended, but now I was stuck with the consequences of those decisions.

Still, I should have been able to do better on the test.

It was true that I was tired. It was also true that I had gotten significantly less sleep than normal since Friday evening.

But it wasn't even lunchtime yet. Even on nights when I didn't get that much sleep, I usually was capable of summoning the willpower to stay on task for the first couple hours of school.

That wasn't the case today. That's because something else was on my mind. Something that challenged everything I had thought I had known about my pursuit of pull-ups over the past few years.

Despite my best efforts, my thoughts kept attempting to drift back to that scene in bed earlier this morning when I had peed in my pajamas while lying down on the bed. I had finally succeeded in coaxing my body to allow my bladder to release in a more natural sleeping position. The result had been a rush of exhilarating physical sensations and emotions that had taken me completely by surprise, especially as that hadn't been the case the two other times I had peed while kneeling over my sheets.

There were a couple of things I knew were true about my interest in pull-ups.

There was something about the overall presence and feeling of wearing a pull-up that I found comforting, from the way the sides hugged around my waist to the softness of the interior absorbent padding to the way the bulky padding fit between my legs.

I could still recall the mesmerizing way the pull-up had crinkled as I had held it in my hands and slid it up my legs. It had brought a sense of calm and assurance that shouldn't have been possible for just a change in undergarments.

I had always assumed that I would wet a pull-up when I got a chance to wear one next. That was what one did when they wore a pull-up. I had no idea whether that was something I was going to enjoy, but I was desperate to discover what it felt like. With the way my wetting experiment had gone this morning, I felt it was safe to assume that this was something I was going to enjoy.

What I had never expected was that I would now be desperately wanting to wet my pants again, not because doing so was part of a scheme to get my parents to purchase pull-ups for me, but because I enjoyed doing it in and of itself.