High on Life | Johnny Cade | The Outsiders

Chapter 12 | Wrong Time

Winston House, New York

Dally has to have a clue on where he is in his room. The pain means nothing right now, I need to track down Dally before he gets himself killed.

I tore apart his bed, nothing. His closet, nothing. Under furniture, nothing. His drawer, nothing. I even lifted up his rug and threw it. Nothing...wait! I picked up a slip of paper.

Ava, by the time you read this, I'll be long gone, probably months. I'm in a place, Tulsa Oklahoma. Don't come find me, I know you'll survive. Eric will be there. Stay smart in school and keep being that amazing girl I know you are.

I love you.

He did leave...Tulsa...Oklahoma? Why so far? How could he leave me like that. Leaving me to dad, thinking everything will be fine. Eric can't protect me like he did.

I'm angry...very angry.

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Present Day

"God, why do I always screw things up?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I kicked the floor and curled up in a ball on the ground crying.

Why am I like this? I get mad and snap, then I lose my mind when he is mad at me. I don't have a right to be mad, this happened a long time ago. We were both just irresponsible young people. We weren't mature then. I feel like I'm taking a few steps backwards from all this.

Johnny crouched down next to me while I sobbed. I kept mumbling "I can't lose him again." Over and over.

"He won't leave you, it's okay." Johnny kept saying to comfort me, but for some reason, I didn't believe him. I knew deep down he was right, but I was scared he would leave again. And it would be all my fault.

"My dad should've...he should've just killed me that day." I cried.

"No, don't say that Ava..." Johnny told me.

"You wouldn't fucking understand. He almost killed me..when Dal left!" I yelled at him. He sighed.

"Trust me, I might not be in your exact situation, but I know how it feels to have sucky parents." He paused, but he had my full attention. "My mom and dad, they're drunks. They don't care about me, I'm just a waste of space to them. So I know how it feels." He told me.

"I'm...Im sorry for saying that...I had no...I didn't know." I sighed.

"It's alright. It's rough all over." He said. I don't know if he just meant the two of us in this moment or not, but it gave me a new perspective. Maybe it wasn't just me suffering when Dally left. He was too. Maybe he didn't want to leave me. Maybe he had no choice. Maybe he thought he was saving me.

"I have to find Dal...and apologize, I tried to stand up, but my legs were weak, so I fell. Johnny caught me and set me down.

"He'll be back. Just take a seat on the couch." Johnny told me and he helped me up.

"Johnny, do you have any siblings, or are you an only child?" I asked him. He sighed, oh god, a long story. I can't say I don't wanna hear it, it's just that I am so distraught.

"My parents turned into drunks when my mom had a miscarriage. I was ten. They both lost it, turned to drinking. My parents weren't the same after that, and they blame each other. When they need to get their anger out, they take it out on me."

"Im sorry." I put my hand on his shoulder. He pulled me in for a hug, which honestly surprised me. I didn't complain though. It's been a long time since I've had a heart to heart with somebody.

"Ya'know, I really messed up after Dally left." I began. Johnny looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I have...had this best friend named Eric. He was the best. He probably saved my life more than I can count. Before I left, I snapped at him. I want to blame my dumb ex, but I know deep down it's my fault. I said something I shouldn't have. I didn't even apologize. I saw him once more before I ran, and I told him I had to go, and now I probably won't ever see him again. He's my best friend and the most important person to me. Now he'll never know that." I said sadly.

"I bet he already knows." Johnny smiled slightly. I nodded, beginning to smile myself.

"If I had one wish, it would be to see him again, even just for a few seconds, just to tell him how sorry I am and that he's my best friend. That I love him because he was like an older brother to me after Dally left." I told him.

I rested my head on Johnny's shoulder and he let me, without saying anything else.

"No matter how bitchy I act, and how much of a bitch I am, I promise I am not as bad as I seem. I just don't want to care, never works though." I chuckled sadly. I closed my eyes and just prayed that Dally was okay.

Johnny didn't say anything, but I knew he heard me and understood me.

"I have something to tell you, but I feel like this is the wrong time to tell you." Johnny said suddenly.

"I'm known for doing things at the wrong time, what is it?" I asked.

He was silent. "Damnit, it slipped my mind." He said, sitting back, but I knew he was lying. I didn't know whether or not I wanted to be pushy. I decided to be pushy

"Liar." I said casually. He just looked at me.

"Oh, you're one of those kinds of people, the ones who can read others like a book." 

"Yup, that's me." I chuckled.

"Damn, that makes this next part hard."

"What next part?" I asked with a smirk on my face.

"Would you like to go to lunch sometime?"

Wow, this really is a bad time...

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Published: March 26th 2024, 12:55 PM EDT

Words: 985