if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 9

life was all about possibilities, seungkwan firmly believed this. the boy sometimes wondered what would have changed if he didn't go to university, or even if he decided to stay in the city. what would have happened if seungkwan wasn't working the day wonwoo's family came into the shelter? what would have happened if seungkwan hadn't been watching the cute boy working in the italian restaurant? what would have happened if seungkwan never approached wonwoo or mingyu?

mostly, he wonders what would have happened if he confessed to wonwoo that day. if wonwoo didn't like mingyu, and he liked seungkwan instead. where would they be now?

seungkwan has had plenty of opportunities to confess. he's spent countless nights alone with the boy, plenty of strolls through the park and late night talks on wonwoo's roof. would things be different if he confessed to wonwoo then? maybe he should have. maybe if he had confessed back then, wonwoo would have never developed feelings for mingyu.

but even with these thoughts swimming in seungkwan's head, he couldn't bring himself to do anything. he wouldn't dare act on it. seungkwan was by all means happy that his two best friends were dating, as far as everyone knew. he was the supportive best friend who cheered them on from the sidelines.

and even if seungkwan wanted more, even if he felt the overwhelming desire to be chased clawing away at his insides, he knew he wouldn't do anything. he wanted nothing more than for wonwoo and mingyu to be happy.

so he would just sit back and smile. he'd smile as he watched wonwoo cuddle into mingyu's chest. he would smile as he saw them sharing a plate of food. he would smile even as wonwoo held his hand and looked at him like he was the only person in the room.

that's what confused seungkwan the most: wonwoo was dating someone else but still acted so sweetly with him. the young boy wasn't sure if it was just him reading into things – or, rather, wishing it to be true. seungkwan wasn't sure what to think. he knew wonwoo didn't like him, and he's always acted that way towards seungkwan, but the boy couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope ignite in his heart.

maybe seungkwan should have spent some more time away from them.

"kwan-ah?"

seungkwan shook his head gently, acting like he was paying attention as he turned to wonwoo and hummed in acknowledgement. the older boy who was sitting across from him just chuckled, saying something about how the tourists were filling up the beach. seungkwan just hummed, looking down as he stirred the straw in his drink, not having much to say on the topic.

mingyu, who was sat close to wonwoo, noticed this and sighed softly. he reached over and gave the boy a pat on the arm, a gentle smile on his face as he said, "hey, did you hear about the local festival? it's opening tonight, we should go."

seungkwan glanced up at the two boys. they had their arms wrapped around each other, their heads leaned onto each other as they looked back at him. he was almost positive if he looked under the table, he would see them holding hands. he looked down as he felt his face scrunch up, trying desperately not to look upset. he wasn't sure if hanging with them at the festival would be a good idea. this, a casual hang out, he could handle. maybe not a festival.

seungkwan pouted faintly as he shook his head. "no, i'm good." he mumbled faintly, looking up with a half smile as he joked, "too many tourists."

wonwoo chuckled in response. "that's fair. we're going tonight, so we were hoping you would come."

seungkwan scoffed loudly, feeling a little annoyed as he looked at them. "and third wheel? no thanks." he said jokingly, his smile falling as he saw the look on their faces.

"kwan-ah, you know we don't want to leave you out." wonwoo said with a frown, glancing at mingyu for some support.

feeling his boyfriend's eyes on him, mingyu nodded quickly as he added, "yeah, we still want you around. you mean a lot to us."