if only you knew

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seungkwan remembered the first time he met wonwoo and mingyu.

he remembered speaking to wonwoo for the first time at the shelter he worked at. he remembered helping the older boy's family pick out their current pet dog, solie. he even remembered wonwoo texting him nonstop that first week just to ask seungkwan for caretaking advice. seungkwan knew then that he would be really great friends with wonwoo.

seungkwan remembered when he realized he had a crush on wonwoo. it was a month or so after they became friends. the two of them were walking around town late at night, still in the getting-to-know-you phase. seungkwan remembered wonwoo asking him if he wanted to go for a swim at the beach. now, seungkwan had no problem sitting at the beach at night, but he was terrified of going in the water at night. he'd heard from his older sisters that sea creatures were more active at night. now, whether or not that was just his older siblings taking advantage of his cowardice, the tidbit of information always deterred seungkwan from night swimming.

wonwoo just laughed gently at seungkwan and insisted that they would be fine. wonwoo held seungkwan's hand the entire time they were in the water, which deeply soothed the younger boy's nerves. seungkwan remembered thinking wonwoo looked so beautiful under the moonlight. anyone could look at wonwoo and notice his beauty, it was almost inconceivable how attractive wonwoo was.

seungkwan knew then that he may have had a bit of a crush on the older boy, but he ignored it. it wasn't until the two of them were walking back to shore, and the older boy let it slip that he didn't know how to swim, that was when seungkwan knew he had a crush on wonwoo. he felt so deeply touched that wonwoo held his hand while they swam even though the older boy couldn't swim. all because seungkwan was scared, and that mattered more to wonwoo than his inability to swim. seungkwan will always look back on that night fondly.

now, seungkwan's first proper meeting with mingyu was a little different. they actually met while they were still at school in the city. more specifically, the night before they were going back home for summer break. 

seungkwan knew that mingyu lived in the same town as him, but he never struck up a conversation with the older boy before. whether it was because they didn't have the same classes or because mingyu was older, seungkwan just didn't have many opportunities to speak to the older boy. truth be told, mingyu was always someone that seungkwan admired from afar, even as a preteen. it couldn't be helped, mingyu was a very attractive man. and maybe seungkwan thought he was just too cute to pass up.

seungkwan and some of his school friends went out to a club the night before seungkwan's return home, in an attempt to squeeze in one last night of fun before they all returned to their boring hometowns for the summer. unlike his school friends, seungkwan was actually excited to go back home for the summer. he missed his friends and family. but he was in his second year of school, so he was still convincing himself that he loved living in the city.

spotting a familiar face in the club that night warmed up seungkwan, it made him remember what he was leaving the city for. that, coupled with the excitement for his return home the next day, was what drove seungkwan to finally speak to mingyu that night. 

the two spoke lamely about what they were majoring in, at one point they were even discussing the weather. seungkwan felt ashamed. in the two past years, he had become a prominent figure in the school, and he had spoken to many different people since he moved to the city. he had even had a few hookups here and there, something that small town seungkwan thoroughly enjoyed. but, there he was, talking to someone he'd somewhat known his entire life, and his mind was drawing a blank.

seungkwan wasn't sure what his intentions were with mingyu that night. when mingyu complained that it was really loud in the club and that they should go back to his dorm room, seungkwan was sure that this was an invitation to sleep with the older boy. and he was fine with that, because that was something he knew he could get through without much awkward conversation.