if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 28

what was seungkwan supposed to do?

there were so many thoughts swirling around in his head: why are they arguing right now? why did wonwoo kiss me? why didn't i kiss him back?

but what stood out to him was that original question: what was he supposed to do?

but seungkwan was stupid. and immature. most of all, he was tired. all he could make himself do was sit down on his couch and listen to his best friends shout at each other over things he didn't understand.

seungkwan looked up from his seat and felt his heart fall as he listened to wonwoo and mingyu shout about wonwoo being inconsiderate and about mingyu being an asshole. he didn't know why they were yelling those things at each other, but it felt like someone was twisting a knife into his gut even if the harsh words weren't being directed at him.

call seungkwan weird, but he always valued his friendships more than any of his romantic prospects. he felt that maintaining a good friendship with someone was a good test of character, similarly to having a romantic relationship with someone. and at the end of the day, it was usually the friends who stuck around longer.

so, listening to his best friends argue in front of seungkwan made him feel like he had failed as a friend.

he knew he needed to do something to stop them, even just for a little while, so he pushed aside the anxious feeling bubbling in his stomach as he stood up. the younger boy pushed through the older boys and stood between them, crossing his arms and glaring up at wonwoo.

the two older boys finally stop arguing, both of them confused at seungkwan's calm but shaky stance in between them. the younger boy said nothing as he stood between them, but the three of them knew what the youngest was thinking. he had said it enough times for the thoughts in his head to already be known.

wonwoo peered down at seungkwan and tried his hardest to read his facial expression, trying desperately to read what was hiding behind seungkwan's calm facade. all he could feel was regret at himself for what he had done to seungkwan earlier.

so the oldest grabbed seungkwan's hands and held them to his chest, pulling out all of the sincerity he felt at the moment as he said, "i am so sorry, kwan-ah. i shouldn't have done that to you."

seungkwan and mingyu felt themselves pause, each of them taking a step back as they took in wonwoo's words. mingyu felt himself gasp slightly, not expecting wonwoo to apologize so fast.

seungkwan tilted his head slightly, looking around the room in confusion before his eyes settled on wonwoo. "done what?" his face fell as he realized what the older boy was referencing, his eyelids fluttering as he sadly murmured, "oh, the kiss?"

"yes. i regret it so much. i should have at least asked, or..." wonwoo trailed off, reaching up and rubbing his forehead as he thought about what to say next.

seungkwan didn't give wonwoo a chance to continue, holding up a hand to silence the oldest as he said, "you know what, hyung? it's fine." he smiled reassuringly, though all he wanted to do was run away and cry in his bed.

as he looked up at wonwoo, he knew he would regret his next words, but he took a deep breath and smiled as he said, "you want to know what i regret?" his eyes roamed over wonwoo's face, needing to take a second to calm down before he mumbled, "that i didn't get to kiss you back."

mingyu felt his face fall slightly as he took a step back. "kwan..." he murmured, feeling himself frown as he played with his fingers.

mingyu felt a twist in his stomach, and he had to force himself to sit down, feeling like his legs were about to give out. he sat back against the couch as he watched wonwoo and seungkwan stand in front of him, both boys staying silent as they stood close to each other. from where he was sitting, he could see seungkwan's jaw quivering, and he wished he could just reassure the youngest that everything would be fine.