LIFE'S SUCKS

5

I don't want to feel that again, suicidal thoughts is sucks for me.

"arghh!" I shouted as hard as I can.

My vision went so blurred because of those reluctant liquid that filled on my eyes.

Days are getting darker and life feels so hopeless. I can't carry this anymore, the thought of mine that I just lived to suffer never leave me.

"ah! why?!" I looked up as I asked him

"Why me?! what I've done to suffer like this?!" My tears continued to fall.

"Am I born to suffer?! Are you happy seeing me being this terrible for your entertainment?!" I scolded

"Fvck it!, fvck this life! Why you're being so unfair?!" I'm slowly losing my voice.

"Is this still for your fvcking lessons?! Is it necessary to be this so fvcking
hard?! bullshit! argh! why?. Why me?! I'm not your strongest soldier! Why does it have to be me?!"

"Are you just bored? why did you let all this things happens?! Why did you chose me to lived in this fvcking world at first just to suffer like this?!"

"Why?!"

"Arghhh!"

"Answer me!"

"are you real?" I asked helplessly

"You're no real" I chuckled like an idiot.

"You can't even hear me" I shook my head as I laughed sarcastically.

"I'm such an idiot..."

I slowly stood up and began to walk, I'm in the top of rooftop on our school, It's already 11pm and I'm still here.

I closed my eyes, ready to jump to end the leakage that causes flooding, to end all the misery of my life. I let the cold wind embrace my skin, I let out a heavy sigh before I slowly step my feet.

I'm so exhausted, let's end it here.

"No!" To my surprised I found my self topple on the floor with someone who drugged me.

"No! Don't do this please!" I can hear the concern on his voice, it was cracking while he was panicking.

Pareho kaming bumagsak ngunit na sa ibabaw nya ako kung kaya't tinulak ko sya sa hindi nakaka-ayang posisyon naming dalawa, he tried to hold my wrist but I stopped him.

"You!" I pointed him.

"You again! Why it's always you?!" I screamed in anger

"You're the reason why I'm still suffering now!" He stared on me with a puzzled look.

"You always detained me to reach my liberty! Who do you think you are?! huh? Do you think you're helping? through saving my life? hell no! you're the reason why I'm still at this misery!" I put all the blame on him.

"What's wrong with you all?! why are you being so mean on me? What did I've do wrong?! why are you all doing this on me?! Why?!" I cried.

"Why don't you let me to be happy? I'm freakin tired! I just want to be happy! All I want is to be... h-happy... " I stoop as I covered my face, I can't help my tears anymore.

"H-hey it's not like th--"

"Shut up! Shut the fvck up!" I cut him off

"Please I'm trying to help yo--"

"I don't need your help!" Tumayo ako at dahan dahang ini-atras ang mga paa ko, mabilis nya naman inyong namalayan at sinubukan nyang lumapit sakin.

"Stay there." I warned

"please don't do this, I can't forgive my self if  you--"

"I don't care!" What's wrong with this man? We didn't even know each other.

"Please I'm begging you stop!" He shouted

"Can you stop? And go back in where you came from! I don't need your fvcking words!" I shouted irritatedly

Napalingon ako sa likod ng maramdamang kalahati nalang ang naaapakan ko, wala ng katao tao sa ibaba, perhaps they all went to their home, not like me, I don't have a home either.

"Fvck!" I shouted when he pulled me closer to him again, I tried to let go and let loosed a crisp blows on him, but he didn't bothered the pain that I'm giving, he still hugged me tightly as if he don't wanna lose me.

"Let me go!" Pinaghahampas ko ang dibdib nya ngunit hindi ito nagpa tinag.

"I won't!" He shouted as if he command it

"Who the fvck are you, let go of me!" I screamed

"Do whatever you want, hurt me more, punch and kick me if you will, but I won't let you do those shits again, never again." I stopped and looked at him.

"aghh!" I screamed in so much pain.

I felt his warm hands gently caressed my back.

"Please I can't... I can't take this anymore" I sobs, I didn't even noticed that I'm crying on his chest.

"Ayoko na, hindi ko na kaya... hindi ko na nga kaya..." I continued sobbing on his chest like an crybaby that left by her mom.

"Cry all you want if it's your coping mechanism, then let it all out until you'll get hoarse, cry it all, I don't know if crying is helping, but I wanted you to know that I don't mind listening to all of your sobs if it's therapeutic on yours" he gently caressed my hair.

"I won't tell you that you still can. Hindi ko sasabihing kaya mo pa kung hindi na talaga, hindi ko sasabihing malakas ka kung nanghihina kana, hindi ko sasabihing dapat mong kayanin kung pagod kana at gusto mo'ng magpahinga, hindi ko ipipilit kung hindi na talaga, kaya kung hindi mo na kaya at hindi mo na alam kung ano ang gagawin nandito lang ako at pwede mo yang iiyak lahat sakin." I suddenly out of words and can't help myself to listen in every words that he uttered.

"But if crying is not helping anymore, then maybe the hug can do."

I looked up on him, we're still on a same position, I stopped escaping from him and let everything's go on for a moment.

"If ever you'll feel that everything's becomes heavy again, and can't take it all anymore please do not grief, you can sing your silent cries to me as your heart wanted to be safe and sound, just remember me, and don't ever do those shits again." I know that words are just words after all but there's have a part of me that wants to trust of what he just spoked, after hearing at all the words that he said, somehow I felt something strange.

'Is this called... a relief?'

Itutuloy...

#LIFE'S SUCK