Silent Screams | J. POTTER

18 | april showers bring may flowers

A month had come and gone like it was nothing at all. Romi was out of the hospital, Remus was still using a cane to walk, and everything had - more or less - returned to normal. Romi and James had missed the chance to go on their first date, and though James claimed that it was okay, Romi knew that it wasn't. Not that it was anyone's fault but if anyone had wanted that date, it was James.

So here she was, planning - and failing miserably - what she hoped would be a grand gesture for their first date. With the help of the girls - Lily, Marlene, Dorcas and Mary - they worked quickly to decorate the Gryffindor common room and set the mood. They had managed to convince McGonagall to close the common room to Gryffindor's for 'mandatory maintenance' and it would be open to them again by curfew. It took a fair amount of guilt tripping but McGonagall caved, allowing Romi the opportunity to thank James for everything he's done for her.

Lily had made flowers out of old books, placing them in vases throughout the room with a string of light surrounding them. Marlene and Dorcas set stringing lights across the borders of the common room, setting them in swirls so they almost looked like stars. Mary and Romi had moved the furniture out of the way, tucking it towards the walls using magic. They laid out a blanket on the ground, the picnic basket of food that Romi had made on top of it. Merlin, she hoped he liked this. What if he found it all to be stupid? What if, after everything, he didn't care anymore? What if this made him break up with her? She shook the thought from her mind as she moved anxiously throughout, checking everything ten times over.

"Romi," Lily spoke and the girl turned to see the red head was giving her a gentle smile. She placed a hand on her arm, "It's perfect."

"What if-"

"Merlin, Romulus," Marlene huffed, a grin on her face, "I thought Dorcas was bad. James will love anything you do for him. Hell, you could have been waiting for him here with nothing on but a-"

"Marlene!" Dorcas chastised, pushing the girl gently with her shoulder. She looked at Romi, "What I believe she's trying to say is: James loves you. He's going to love that you put any effort into this at all. I assure you." Something flickered in the girl's expression and Dorcas frowned, "What is it?"

"It's just…" she trailed off, crossing her arms over her chest. "Merlin, I feel a bit stupid. I mean, James and I have been together for months now - even if this is our first date. And…I'm worried that we- that we'll-"

"Oh!" Mary exclaimed, a grin taking over her expression. "You want to have sex with him, don't you?"

"No!" she replied quickly. "Well, yes, I do. Of course I do but I just…I don't know how."

"You don't know how to have sex?" Lily clarified.

"I know how to have sex," Romi deadpanned. "I just…I never regretted not waiting until I realized how much James meant to me," Romi confessed, her face falling into her hands. She shook her head slightly, "I never thought that sex could mean anything. I - I just...I never thought I'd be the one to be in a relationship. Ever. And now? What if he doesn't want me?" Her eyes were wide with unshed tears, "Merlin, what if I screwed myself over?" Quite literally, she noted mentally.

"Oh, Romi," Mary said, grabbing the girl's hand. "None of that matters, I promise." She smiled, "With Frank…I'll admit, I was nervous. He was my first and I knew I wasn't his and it was scary but none of it mattered. The love you feel for him, and he for you, will be all that matters when the time comes. Whether it be today or some other time." She squeezed Romi's hand, reaching up with her other hand to swipe it away, "Everyone makes some big deal about it, it's funny really. Because sex when it means something? It's completely different, trust me."