Fanatic ⇒ Only Murders In The Building

03 → The Last Day Of Bunny Folger

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'The Last Day Of Bunny Folger'
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"The perfect crime? Oh, so very nearly," Oliver narrated into the microphone, staring as Mrs Gambolini. "But, there's one thing the killer did not anticipate. A witness. Who has bravely agreed to an Only Murders In The Building exclusive. So, tell our listeners, who killed Bunny Folger?"

"F*ck off, Oliver," Mrs Gambolini screeched in her cage causing Callum to snort a laugh.

"No, you f*ck off, Mrs Gambolini! You said you know who did it!" Oliver shouted at the bird before turning to the other podcasters. "It's just perfect that Bunny had a pet as obnoxious as she was."

"Hey, that's my maybe half-sister you're talking about," Charles warned. Callum tilted his head back to look at the man.

"That still makes no sense to me."

"Yeah, explain that to me one more time," Mabel added from her seat next to Callum.

"Well, it's simple. My dad maybe slept with Bunny's mom, a-and that potential sex could have been unprotected, and that possible unprotected potential sex could have resulted in a half-sister I never knew until it was too late."

"Oh, Jesus Christ," the Brit muttered under his breath, putting his head in his hands.

"Are you done? Please say yes," Oliver said, microphone still in hand.

"Yes."

"Great."

"No. I kissed Bunny on the lips," Charles informed the trio, each looking disgusted at the statement.

"What?" Mabel and Oliver said in unison, their faces prompting Charles for an explanation.

"This just keeps getting better," Callum added, a small chuckle escaping his lips as he looked back up at Charles.

"Yeah. It was at a Christmas party, and we were saying goodbye, and we were just gonna kiss each other on the cheek, but we missed, and we were on the lips, and we'd had a few eggnogs, so we kinda got into it, and then we just stayed there and sloshed around a little bit, and that's not so bad, right?" Charles rambled as Callum, Mabel and Oliver looked between each other in disbelief.

"Can you deal with this, please?" Oliver asked Mabel.

"Yeah, sure," Mabel replied, getting up from her seat. "Alright. We have two options here. I slap you across the face and say, 'Snap out of it!' Or we just skip to the part where you say, 'Thanks, kid. That was tough to hear, but I needed it.'" Mabel stated putting a grin on Callum's face at the idea of Charles being slapped.

"Uh, not the slapping one."

"Who did it?!" Oliver goes back to shouting at Mrs Gambolini. "God, you are the most difficult animal I have ever directed. And I did a production of The Elephant Man with a real elephant."

"Oliver, have you tried talking to her as if you were Bunny?" Mabel suggested.

"W-why would I ever..." Oliver paused, tilting his head as he considered the suggestion. "Mrs. Gambolini. It's me, Bunny. What the f*ck happened to me, huh?"

Callum bursts out laughing from his seat, his legs still dangling over the arm rest. "I wanna see you try," Oliver told the Brit who raised his hands in a mock surrender.

"That was a terrible Bunny. The key to a good Bunny is raising your voice without raising your voice," Charles explained, approaching Oliver by the cage. "Mrs. Gambolini,
why the f*ck am I dead?"

"No, no, that's dreadful. You're missing the smile that doesn't reach the dead eyes," Oliver added. "This won't take long unless you make it take long."