☆Toby's Vent diary☆ (a decent into madness)

im nice and cool and awesome

I had some friends over 2day. I've noticed my false confidence and the character i put up has started to crumble again. Like I'm becoming meaner and grumpy and i hate it. Its not too noticeable yet. like, i don't treat people like total shit. Mundane tasks have gotten more taxing although i at least still manage to brush my teeth everyday. Not that it matters, i literally have 2 cavities rn. I barely eat unless someone makes food. I don't have an ed anymore but making food is so pointless and too much work. I would probably burst out crying if i tried. If my mom hadn't hidden all the pills in the house i would be dead by now. Not out of need. I guess theres no rush but out of habbit. I want to die so bad my life just keeps getting harder. Thankfully im gonna graduate high school. (Barely)   i feel so stupid. today at the store i messed up counting money and i froze up . Like im so embarrassed of my entire existence everything i do is wrong but i just lie to myself enough to live another day. Like, I'm the coolest and everybody else one the entire world somehow decided to hate me because im the best and there is totally nothing wrong with me and im really smart and not dumb as fuck or have trouble with most concepts and am a completely useless waste of space who cheated my way through school because i can't even remember my own favorite color. Anyway this is awsome. Ive really wanted to hurt myself lately but thankfully im too tired to. I kinda just wish i could curl up and die if i wish it enough. But its not working ahggggg Ajjajkakkakakqkqkwoejsjcjdjdksjnsnsjwkkdocoxjjsjejirei9e92928e88d7xujsehei six 9dijdjfhrjeuei9w9w9292i3i3jow929e8fucjdjejeie82929eieujddjfuududiwowoUWJWJEI9F8FUEJ2JDJCJDUEIE DIEDIEDIEDIEIDIEIXIEIXIEIXIEDIEIDEIDIEDIE

Also

No nvm