Euthymia

Butterfly Gardens

Baekhyun can't remember the last time he felt butterflies in his stomach. The last time he blushed like a schoolgirl with a crush. Perhaps when he was young and stupid – stupid enough to think he had genuine feelings for Sehun. When he was naive and curious, giving thought to alphas and handsome boys, getting awkward when Sehun held his hand and kissed his cheek. That was the last time he ever walked through butterfly gardens and turned the same shade of pink as the roses offered to him. That was the last time he ever experienced love.

Until now. Baekhyun never thought it possible to act so ridiculous at his age, to feel like a kid again. But Chanyeol's embrace shields him from his dreary reality, hides him from his father's expectations and Sehun's obligations. His sincere hugs and tender kisses give back to Baekhyun what was so cruelly snatched away from him – his youth.

Never has he felt so safe, so sheltered, so comfortable in his life. No amount of black suits and guns and armed entourages can compare to the two strong arms wrapping him up in his butterflies and roses. With Chanyeol, the world around them melts away like butter under the heat of their passion.

It's been hours. At least Baekhyun believes it's been hours. But he's not paying attention to the clock. Ever since Chanyeol let his guard down, set aside his pride, and allowed them both the satisfaction of touch, they've been (quite literally) attached at the hips. Surely this will feel like one big mistake come sunrise, but Baekhyun's been deprived of a heat for so long it's impossible to put up any semblance of control.

What a terrifying feeling – to lose himself, to lose the willpower to determine what happens to his body. If it was Sehun, the fear would've tainted his garden, poisoned all the flowers. But not with Chanyeol. No, Chanyeol kisses away his tears and says with only his eyes and his fingers it's okay to lose control, I'll pull you back up when you sink too deep.

Baekhyun hugs his shoulders a little tighter, nails digging into his shoulder blades, crying into his hair as Chanyeol cradles him like he's the most precious jewel in the world and sinks into him. They've both lost count how many times they've done this now, really never keeping track to begin with. But it's reached a point where black hair and hot skin and coffee and caramel become suffocating, overwhelming. Chanyeol senses Baekhyun hyperventilating before he's even exhaled.

He props himself up, his lips detaching from Baekhyun's collarbone, and shifts his weight onto one elbow so the other hand can reach up and brush the hair off Baekhyun's forehead. He looks into his watery eyes and understands everything that doesn't need to be said, pushing himself completely into a seated position so his weight doesn't crush Baekhyun into the mattress.

His head is too far underwater. He needs to come up for air.

Chanyeol takes him by the waist and hoists him up, catching his own breath in the process before he dives back in. Before Baekhyun can say a word, Chanyeol shifts positions so he's in the pillows now and Baekhyun lands on top of him, dripping in sweat and sugar.

"What are you doing...?" Baekhyun mumbles, unsteady, relying on Chanyeol's grip to keep him upright.

"Do what you want. I don't want to overwhelm you."

Baekhyun staggers. Even in this hotbox of pheromones and delusion, Chanyeol still has the good sense to think outside of himself and realize when he's overstepping boundaries. Sehun would never. Because his incessant need to be in control of people he deems weaker than himself trumps any of Baekhyun's needs. For Sehun, it's always been a matter of pride and self esteem. For Baekhyun, it's always been a matter of trauma.

Chanyeol pulls him into his lap and, instinctively, he resists. Even in heat, fear riddles his body, the arousal and the desire weak in comparison to years of unresolved trauma. His hands go up to push Chanyeol back by the shoulders, feeling his naked body tensing the longer Chanyeol holds him in place, the undulation of his chest becoming harsh, neck strained and hands trembling. He wants to kiss Chanyeol, hug him, take all of him over and over again. He wants to let go. And yet, he can't stop shaking and he can't look him in the eyes.