svt bxb oneshots/sickfics

Seoksoo - touch starved

ppl - joshua & seokmin
prompt(s) - touch starved
a/n - I will be projecting my feelings into this oneshot bc I'm very familiar with this topic (🥲) so if you wonder why it is so detailed, that's why :)

joshua's pov.
Since debut me and the members have always been close. We love each other like family and we quite literally consider ourselves as brothers. I can't find anything to complain about when talking about my members, well, I do have one small thing..

My love language is physical touch, I really can't live comfortably without feeling the warmth and gentleness of someone hugging me, or gently caressing my arm, or playing with my hair, kissing my neck, you name it, I need it. Now need might seem like a strong word, but unless you yourself have experienced being touch starved, you wouldn't get it.

So yes, I'm touch starved. And I'm struggling. Bad. I love my boyfriend just the same as I love my members, if not more, I mean of course, he's my boyfriend. But for some reason it seems as though none of them understand my struggles when it comes to touch.

It feels like they are purposefully pushing me away when in reality, they just don't know how much I need it.

The company has said for me and seokmin to not interact physically as much as to not make anyone suspicious of our relationship. That's the fuck of it all. I can't handle the company dictating our relationship. No one understands my struggles, but in their defence I haven't told anyone.

To be honest, I'm scared. Scared they might not take me seriously or may make fun of me. And I can't bring this to the company, they will think it's just a fake stupid joke to try and get me around seokmin again. I just need touch, but I'm scared to ask. I'm afraid soon I'll break, I'll crack, shatter into small sharp pieces that no one can pick up.

.

Me and the members have a concert to perform tonight and all of us are exited, at least most of us. I'm as exited as I can be, but all I can think about is feeling the touch of someone's skin against mine. Perhaps someone might walk up behind me and wrap their arms around my shoulders, maybe massage them due to how tense I've become, maybe whisper in my ear that I'm deserving or that I'm doing great.

But no, nothing. It's always been nothing. I sit on the couch and I see my boyfriend come into the room and sit beside me. He doesn't lean into me, he doesn't grab my thigh and rub it gently to calm my nerves or kiss my cheek and tell me I look great or that he loves me.

I feel myself almost tear up as I'm deep in thought. I can't help but imagine the comfort of someone's arms around me, not caring about my flaws or my past, just giving me love through gentle touches and whispering sweet nothings. That someone being my boyfriend, but, all I can do is wish.

"Are you ready to go on stage bubba?" He says to me, breaking me out of my trance. I nod and try to hide my slightly red eyes, but he notices. I see him being his hand up to my cheek to rub away the small tear that somehow fell, and all I do is hold my breath. I close my eyes as more tears fall, but then nothing happends. No soft hand on my wet cheek, no gentle fingers caressing my furrowed eyebrows to ease them down.

I feel nothing.

And I break. I break and I keep breaking until I think I can't break anymore. But then I surprise myself and begin to sob even harder. Sobbing into my own hands.

seokmin's pov.

My boyfriend begins to sob into his own hands. I see buckets of tears begin to fall from his boba eyes though he's only been crying for 5 seconds.

"Can everyone leave the room please?!" I yell with a firm tone. I then see everyone look over at me and joshua but not before I gave them a look to "get the fuck out please". They all understood and seungcheol lead the members and makeup crew out of the room, gently closing the door.

joshua's pov.

I hear my boyfriend gentle voice begin to ask me what's wrong. I feel him get off of the couch and I instantly start to sob even more.

"Hey honey... I'm just sitting right infront of you.." he says gently. I sit up quickly as I begin having trouble breathing, sitting back against the couch as my boyfriend goes in between my thighs to come closer to my face. I freeze.

He's touching me. It's the smallest touch and it means nothing but I feel touch. I feel. I feel. I feel.

"Ho, hold me.. now," I say in a broken voice. "Ok baby, ok.. come here.. just breathe for me honey." Seokmin sits beside me on the couch one more and brings me onto his warm lap, each of my thighs straddling him. I just sit there, frozen. I feel his hands on my covered waist and I feel fulfilled. I feel. I feel warmth. I feel the love of my boyfriend through his gentle touch.

"What's going on lovely..?" He says quietly. I don't care anymore. I spill. I spill everything.

.

Moments after I tell him everything he brings me into his hold and I break down once more. He kisses my neck. He kisses my cheek. He kisses my chest and my neck once more, then kissing my cheeks again and my moist lips covered in tears.

"Never be afraid to tell me something like that ever again. I will cuddle you and keep you warm and show you love in any way you please. Tell me you need a hug and I'll give you 20. Tell me you need a massage and I'll sit with you for an hour. Tell me you need a kiss and I'll kiss every single insecurity until it's no longer an issue in that beautiful mind. Tell me you need love and I'll give it to you. I'm sorry for being so ignorant. I've been stressed with schedules, but that's no excuse to not realize you've been struggling. I will talk to the company because if this is causing you so much damn pain I will not endorse it anymore."

I relax at his words. "I fucking love you seokmin.." I say into his neck. "I know baby.. I'm ready to show you how much I love you and appreciate you, I'm sorry I haven't been doing so properly for some time now," he says as he runs his hands under my shirt and rests them on my waist again. The action makes me shiver as he gently caresses my sides with so much love and compassion, making me feel warm and safe.

I almost feel myself being to cry again. I feel so damn loved. Finally. Fucking finally.