I Was a Teenage Abomination

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Open on the sun, panning down to show Luz, Y/n, Eda, and King standing on a beach.

Eda: Well, Luz!, Y/n! (Elbows Luz.) Did you ever in your life think you'd see something as breathtaking as this?.

She gestures to the corpse of a trash slug that towers over them. It's surrounded by trash and muck. Flies audibly buzz around the corpse.

Luz: (Shaking her head.) I don't like this. (She plugs her nose.)

Y/n: Breathtaking? No, how can I say this... it's disgusting. But R.I.P to the slug.

Eda: (Walks to the trash slug.) Yes, it doesn't get much more inspiring than the trash slug. It makes a home, a life from what others have thrown by the wayside. (Pulls a rubber chicken from the trash slug's mouth.) Until, blam, it gets blasted by a wave one day and croaks from all the salt. And then we get to sell the stuff it ate. (She pulls out a pickaxe).

Luz: Please don't make me.

Y/n: If you don't want to do it, Luz, then let me do it. Eda, give me the pickaxe.

Eda then gave the pickaxe to Y/n as he grabbed it. Y/n approached the slug and swung the pickaxe at the trash slug.

Eda: See? Y/n is having fun.

King: (Walking away.) Aw, come on, Luz. (Unfurls a towel.) It's not every day you get to go to the dump and pick apart a garbage carcass.

Eda: Ah, nuts to you both.

As Eda went to the trash slug, she started grabbing some stuff from it.

Luz: So, Eda... What if we tried some new lessons for my apprenticeship? Like... reading ancient scrolls or mixing together potions, or-

Eda: (While tossing things from the trash slug's mouth.) Ugh. That sounds like a bunch of magic school stuff.

Luz: Wait. Is there a magic school here?

Y/n: I mean, if something exists in our world, maybe they exist in this one too, but a little different.

Luz: Oh yeah, wait, Eda, is the school like a place with winding towers, cute uniforms, and dark plots that threaten your life?.

Eda: Mm-hmm. What's worse, they force you to learn magic the "proper" way. But magic isn't proper. It's wild and unpredictable. And that's why it's so beautiful. I didn't finish school, and look at me! Who wouldn't envy where I am right now?.

Flies are flying around the pile of trash Eda is currently standing in. Luz's expression falls.

Y/n: (Thought) Say that to Harry Potter.

Eda: Uh... Hey, here's a lesson. (Drops her pick.) A great witch is resourceful, (Sticks Luz's hand in a puddle of trash slug bile.) like this.

Eda drags Luz's hand back and forth before letting go. Luz continues digging until she pulls something out.

Luz: Oh, hey. Greasy slime ball.

Eda: (Closes Luz's hands around the slime ball.) Use your slime ball wisely, young witch. (Stands and heads back for the trash slug.) Back at it! We'll hit the stink nodes first.

Luz: Actually, if it's okay, (Starts backing away.) I think I'll head home and look at pictures of animals that are still... alive. Love you, King. (Pets his belly.)

King giggles.

Luz: You little beach peach. (Continues walking into the woods.)

Y/n: Wait! Luz, wait for me! I'm getting bored! (Lets go of the pickaxe and follows Luz).

You've reached the end of published parts.

⏰ Last updated: May 22 ⏰

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