What Awaits?

Prologue

HAZAIAH

"Dumating na 'yung araw na kinakatakutan ko." sabi ko sa group chat naming magkakaibigan. Umiiyak na ako nang mga oras na 'yun.

"So are we ending this na?" I asked him, tears were already falling from my tired eyes. I already sensed that this will come today, and I was right. Dito na natatapos ang ang aming kuwento.

"I'm sorry."

Two words yet has a lot to say. That's it. After three years together, our story ended.

"What did I do to you, Yael? Saan ba ako nag kulang? O sumobra na ba ako? Hindi ko na maintindihan, love. Bakit kailangan umabot sa ganito? Paulit ulit kitang tinatanong noong mga nakaraang araw, pero wala akong nakuhang sagot sa'yo. What happened to us? Ipaintindi mo naman sa’kin oh. Hindi ko na maintindihan, Yael." I asked him one more time and pleaded, hoping to get the answer I needed. But Yael being Yael, nonchalant and quiet, I got no decent answer.

"I'm sorry. Hindi ka nag kulang, wala kang nagawang hindi ko nagustuhan. Hindi ka rin sumobra. It's just that, marami nang nag bago sa'tin. Hindi na tayo katulad ng dati. Maraming nag bago na hindi kayang ipaliwanag ng utak ko. And I'm sorry for that. We do not deserve this. No one deserves to be hurt. Pasensya na, Zaiah. I mean, sinubukan ko. Sinubukan kong isalba lahat pero, hindi na kaya. I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself. I know you can do it, even without me." that was the longest answer I got from him. No decent explanation on what I have done para mapagod siya. Kung ano ba talagang nagawa ko o may nagawa ba akong hindi niya nagustuhan. But no definite answer. It's vague. That's Yael.

"Hindi mo na ba ako mahal?" tinanong ko ulit siya, nag babaka sakaling mahal niya pa rin ako katulad ng dati. Ngunit bigo ako.

"Mahal kita, pero hindi na katulad ng dati. I'm sorry." one sentence really broke me. Ang sakit marinig mula sa taong mahal mo na hindi ka na pala niya mahal katulad ng dati niyang pag mamahal sa'yo.

Just like that, we ended things between us. Akala ko kakayanin ko pang ayusin ang lahat sa amin, ngunit alam kong wala na akong pag asa, dahil ayaw na niya.

I told my mother what happened. I was crying when I told her about this.

"Mi, wala na kami." I typed.

"Ha? Bakit?" tinanong ako ni mommy.

"Hindi ko alam, mi. Biglaan na lang." sabi ko naman.

Matagal bago nag reply sa akin ang mommy ko.

"Kung kayo talaga, 'nak, kayo talaga. Niloob 'yan ng Panginoon para makapag focus ka sa pag aaral. Aral muna, anak. College ka na pag pasok. May nakalaan ang Lord para sa'yo." that's what my mother said to me that day.

I continued crying for another hour. I also told my friends what happened, especially to the one who really knows my pleas, Jas.

"Jas, wala na kami. Ngayon lang." I typed, habang patuloy na bumubuhos ang luha mula sa mga mata ko.

"Tama nga 'yung sinabi kong naramdaman ko kagabi, Jas. Ito na 'yung kinatatakutan ko. Hindi ko akalaing aabot kami sa ganito. We were just happy then it suddenly became like this. To the point na we have to end things between us. I got vague answer, Jas. Do I deserve that?” sabi ko habang umiiyak ako.

"I'm so sorry, Zaiah. You do not deserve it. No one deserves to be left with just vague answers. No one, okay? But lahat ng nangyayari ngayon, it's not your fault. Nag mahal ka lang, Zaiah. I'm always here to listen to you, to give advice to you. Magiging okay din ang lahat, I promise you that. Iiyak mo lang lahat hanggang sa maubos, then lumaban ka ulit." Jas and her comforting words. She was the one who helped me figure things out when I was starting to realize that our relationship is not going to work anymore. Alam kong ako na lang ang lumalaban sa relasyon naming dalawa. Matagal ko na ‘tong napapansin pero hinayaan ko lang dahil mahal ko siya. Wala eh, ‘yan ang nagagawa ng pag-ibig, nagpapaka martyr ka para sa taong mahal mo.