Swan

Chapter two: The Swan School

Swan School looked more like a church than a school, at least from the outside. It had been barely a week since mother passed away, and yet I was still staring at a new beginning, a new life without her.

Everyone's eyes were on me, staring above with their hands holding their chins. It felt as if they were guessing my destiny, guessing what the person in front of them was going to change around here, but I had already chosen my destiny, my power; invisibility.

"Everyone, we have a new student here." The professor looked around the room. His eyes wandered for a while, and ended up on me again. "So, do you wanna introduce yourself?" He waited for me to say something, like everyone else in the room. Everyone was quiet. "Uh, my name is Conn and I just moved here a couple days ago." I quickly mumbled and hinted to the professor with my eyes that I wanted this introduction to be short. "Alright then, you can sit next to Nathaniel since Amelia isn't going to be here the first few months."

I walked toward the seat he pointed to, which was all the way in the back. It was perfect, I didn't have to see or speak to anyone. "Hi," the guy next to me whispered. I signed, hoping that this would be our first and last conversation. "Hi." I mumbled back after a few seconds. "Your name," he stopped. "What about it?" I asked. "Conn is one of the children of Lir, you know, the mythology." I almost burst out laughing because of how smart he made himself to be. "Yeah, I know that." I said and looked away from him.

My mother's face was engraved inside my head, every little detail within her face was visible each time I closed my eyes, deciding to stare into nothingness. A familiar voice made the picture of mother vanish into the darkness. I opened my eyes, annoyed. "What?" I said in an angry voice, but also a curious one since I didn't catch what he said. "It's Nathaniel, from your class." He said and sat down in front of me. "Yeah I remember, what do you want?" I asked and pushed my plate of food away from my fingers. "I was wondering if you wanted me to show you around school." He asked and looked around the cafeteria. "No thanks, I've got the map for that." I said and decided to close my eyes again, but he started talking again. "Listen-" he tried to say. "No, you listen." I stood up. "Leave me the fuck alone." I shouted in his face and walked away from the table.

I haven't cried once after my mother's death, that's something I feel really guilty about. I've tried several times to shed a tear or two, but my eyes dry out as soon as I think about her. Even though her death brings me nothing but misery, I still cannot cry.

I was headed toward my last class, which meant that I had to sit next to Nathaniel again. I felt bad for what happened at lunch, I had an apology planned, one contained with as few words as possible. Even though I wanted to apologise to him, I didn't want to be his friend, I didn't want to be anyone's friend.

"You're late." A voice I assumed was a teacher said as I walked to my seat. "Hi," I whispered to him, waiting for him to say something back. "So, about what happened at lunch-" I was about to say, but the stare he gave me before I could finish my sentence made me stop talking. "If you could be quiet, I'm trying to focus." He said and turned his head to the teacher again. Maybe it was for the best that he thought I hated him, and him hating me back. I couldn't afford to have friends now, I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. Especially because of my father, whom I've been the biggest burden to.

My life was perfect six days and eight hours ago. I had the most amazing friends, I had the most amazing mother. But it was time to accept the fact that I had to keep going, stop pushing away this new life full of opportunities waiting for me. Even though I may be miserable while taking the offer on those new opportunities, at least I'd do something. I know that's what my mother would've wanted.