Swan

Chapter four: A Swan without Feathers

Sometimes I think to myself that I somehow got the curse just like the child of Lir did, except I didn't grow feathers in sunlight nor did I desperately wait for the next full moon to turn into myself again. But I'm starting to doubt that, it does feel like I've grown feathers now, it feels like they cut through my skin and slowly grow out. So I have started waiting for the full moon to appear in the sky, except that the full moon is a guy named Nathaniel Archibald.

I was slowly starting to depend on Nathaniel, as if I wouldn't grow away the feathers if I didn't see him.

But I didn't know that soon enough, I'd have to live with the feathers, without any hope of getting rid of them.

I caught myself smiling outside the classroom door, ready to greet Nathaniel in his seat. I took a deep breath and opened the door. As soon as I stepped into the room, something felt wrong. "Conn, late again." Professor said and smiled awkwardly as I stood in my place. "We have to find you a new seat." She made my eyebrows rise, confused on why I couldn't sit in my chair beside Nathaniel. I looked over at Nathaniel and saw someone else in my seat. "That's my—-" I was about to shout, but stopped myself as soon as I realised who I was looking at. It was Amelia, the girl who was on vacation.

Nathaniel gave me a quick look and then looked away again, as if he was avoiding me. "Alright, why don't you sit in the back over there?" The professor pointed at the back. I walked quickly through the tables and sat in my new seat, where I could neither see the blackboard or Nathaniel.

I kept myself distracted in lunch while finishing some homework, at least I thought I was keeping myself distracted. I've always hated math, not because I suck at it, rather because I don't like waiting for the answer. In all the other subjects, the answers come to mind quickly, as if my brain has to do some research for a few seconds.

"Conn!" A voice cried my name out loud. I turned around and saw Amelia and Nathaniel walking toward my table. I quickly waved at both of them, turned around again and sighed.

"Hi!" Nathaniel sat on my left and Amelia on the right. "Hi." I smiled because I knew there wasn't any excitement filled in my voice, as the excitement Nathaniel always has in his tone. "This is Amelia," Nathaniel pointed with his eyes and I nodded with mine. "And this is Conn." He said to Amelia and turned his eyes at me.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you." Amelia reached a hand. "You too." I accepted her hand in mine. "I'm so sorry about the professor moving your seat, I'd be really annoyed." She spoke gently. I couldn't quite tell if she meant the words that came out of her mouth. "Yeah, it's fine though, I knew you were coming back I got a heads up." I smiled a quick one.

"Yeah, I was actually in Chicago." She started a conversation, which was kind of nice. I loved talking to new people, they didn't pity me as the people I had in my life before moving here. "What were you doing there, except for admiring the beautiful architecture." I caught myself chuckling, something that hadn't happened in a while. "It really was beautiful, but I was there visiting my grandparents." She answered my question. It went quiet for a while, until Nathaniel finally said something, "Her grandparents are really nice." He said. "They really love him." Amelia said as she looked at Nathaniel. "My uh, grandmother gave me her engagement ring in hope of me and Nathaniel getting engaged as soon as we turn 18." She giggled.

My heart sank and my thoughts went dull. How couldn't I notice the fact that they are together, soon be engaged as well. "Oh, isn't that a little too early?" I politely asked when my thoughts went active again. "No, not really. Besides, we're only getting engaged, not married, at least not until we're 20." She laughed, a laughter filled with joy. I could see through the spark in her eyes and right through her mind; that she really loved him. "That's really sweet, I'm happy for you two." I smiled, but this time I meant it.

I couldn't dare to compare to someone Nathaniel has known all his life, while I've been in his for only two weeks. Besides, Amelia was perfect for him, she seemed really nice and filled with love that she could give back to Nathaniel. Love; that's something I didn't fully have, and it wouldn't be enough to give half of my heart to Nathaniel, while the other is in pieces because of mother.

Maybe I should turn my eyes to the real full moon for once, the light that shines beauty on the night. Maybe I shouldn't depend my life on someone; I shouldn't let the curse consume him just as it consumes me into a big giant, black hole.