A Place For My Depression

"....I want love...."

I want love,

Is that too much,

I want love,

To the extent it hurts,

I want love,

But I look around there is no one,

You all left me,

With out even knowing it ,

You all killed me,

While I was still breathing,

You only saw me when I smile bright,

Not when I die every night,

I started getting angry and throwing tantrums and you judged me,

You never once wondered what caused it,

Did you forget I used to be happy,

Am not talking about what I do now all the holding in and fake smiling,

Am talking about when I used to let my emotions out in public,

When I allowed myself to cry to be angry and genuinely happy,

When I showed my sweet self to everybody,

And slowly you didn't know that girl was fading,

I begged love from everybody,

But I could only do it silently,

My own mother called me a sadist,

Never for once did she try to find out what happened to her kid,

I was 16 and stopped caring,

Only I would fight with the whole family,

God damn it, it was tiring,

All the scolding, shouting and judging,

All the hatred, body shaming and ridiculing,

There's a quote from a movie that maybe one day I can tell my family,

"I was not angry I was in pain and argony and you put me there the people who were suppose to love me more than anything"

The people who were suppose to hold me,

The people who were suppose to turn my dreams to reality,

And fullfil my childish fantasies,

All I wanted was love,

But instead you allowed me fall,

All I needed was love,

I just wished I knew what I did wrong.