Confessions of A Fake Hopeless Romantic

02:

02:

'would like to think that you would stick around'
- love song, lana del rey

—

Friendships were really important to me. Every friendship I went in, I went in wishing that my friend found comfort in my presence as much as I did in theirs. I was the type of person who wondered every day if my friend could feel my overflowing love for them. I wondered if it was enough or if it was overwhelming and if they cherished me as much as I cherished them. Even though I loved all the friends I had made throughout the years, and felt as if they were made for me, somehow, somewhere, a misunderstanding would occur that would lead to a falling out. A falling out caused by something that made me realise that perhaps the friend that I thought knew me well, did not know me at all.

As the years went by, after meeting Palesa, I sat with a little apprehension, thinking that she would fade away with the rest, too.

But she didn't.

Instead, our friendship became stronger. We made more memories together, and found out even more about each other. Whenever we were apart, I would reminisce about the times we'd spend at her house, sitting on the balcony, listening to UMI and staring into the night sky.

The Liyana and Palesa from high school probably would have laughed in your face if you told them that they would be in an uber on their way to the mall, on a Friday, to buy alcohol but here we were.

"What are we going to get?" I asked Palesa and she turned her attention from the car window and faced me.

"How about we get Château Del Rei?"

I pondered on it for minute as if I was going to say otherwise. It was Palesa's and I's favourite drink.

"Don't the securities check though? Or is alcohol allowed at res?"

Palesa shook her head, "it's not allowed. But three cans are enough for each of us, so if we can fit three cans each in our crossbody bags, then we should be able to sneak it in."

I giggled. Hearing her say that made me realise how much we'd actually grown up.

This was our life now.

My phone lit up with a notification. It was my mother.

Are you alright, mntanam'?

I showed Palesa the text and she raised her eyebrows. Palesa knew that I told my mom almost everything, and I didn't hide the fact that I drank with her but something about telling her that I was in an uber past sunset, to buy alcohol didn't strike me as something wise to do. Especially since it was my first weekend in University.

yes mom. i'm just with Palesa right now. i hope you are well, too.

Her reply came almost immediately.

Greet her for me. I'm going to bed soon, I love you

i love you more.

"Did you tell her?" Palesa asked and I shook my head.

"Hell no, bruh."