Confessions of A Fake Hopeless Romantic

05:

05:

'i know that you said you would never hurt me, but it's not your fault, i still think the worst anyway'
- just a boy, alaina castillo
—

The uber ride back to res at 2 a.m was a silent one. I do not know if we were all just processing the events that had transpired tonight or if we were just too drained to have a conversation.

My head was replaying the feel of Andile's lips on mine. I wondered how many other girls he had kissed in the past, I wondered if their thoughts lingered on the kiss as much as my thoughts did.

After this, Andile was going to move on with his life and forget about the girl he kissed at the party, but not me, I knew that I'd lie awake, wondering why boys like him existed.

"It's 2 a.m," Nandi said, checking her phone.

"I'm not ready to sleep though," Rea confessed and I nodded in agreement.

My thoughts were going to keep me awake, so I preferred to tire myself out.

I looked over at Palesa, wondering if she felt the same way, but she was typing away on her phone. Her eyebrows drawn as if something was stressing her.

She had been on that phone the entire night, and it kind of worried me a bit because who on earth was angering her this much.

"Palesa," I said and raised an eyebrow, whilst nodding in the direction of her phone.

She sighed.

"Can you accompany me to my room to get a jacket?" she asked me and I nodded.

"We'll see you guys just now," I announced and proceeded to walk with Palesa to her room.

We first walked in silence and I wondered what it was that she was hesitant to tell me about. I found it easy to confide in Palesa, but I often wondered if I leaned on her more than she leaned on me. Did she not feel like she could be open with me?

"Last week, Nandi, Rea and I went to a Freshers, and I met a guy over there," she began.

My eyes widened. I wasn't really thinking much about the fact that she went out with Nandi and Rea, I was just thinking about the fact that she met a guy and it never crossed her mind to tell me about him sooner.

I told Palesa everything when it came to my 'love' life. She knew about every single talking stage I had been in, and how I had felt in each and every one of those talking stages because they were not all the same.

I stayed silent, waiting her for continue.

"He was cool and we spent a good portion of the night talking. He asked for my number, and we have been talking since then, problem is..."

I raised an eyebrow. It sounded to me that everything was going fairly well, so I wondered what the problem could have been.

"I'm just not sure why he approached me, he could pull better looking girls and the whole thing makes me anxious, because I feel like sooner or later, he'll ghost me for someone prettier," she sighed but continued nonetheless.

"I can't bring myself to enjoy this talking stage, or whatever you would call it."

Palesa was feeling insecure, that's what it was.