Dear Future Husband

VII

Ten years ago

"Have you heard anything from Brandon, Katy?" My mom asked for the third time today.

I was almost tempted to say yes just so she would get off my back.

"No mom. Nothing."

"Well he's probably busy...he'll call soon."

I twirled my phone between my fingers and hoped with ever twirl that Brandon would send me a text, or a call, anything.

For the next three weeks nothing happened. I finished my senior year of high school and packed my things to go to college.

"Don't think to much about Brandon honey..." My mom gently smiled as she hugged me.

"I won't." I lied.

"Alright well have a safe drive. Remember Georgia Tech is only a few hours away. We can drive up and you can come down anytime you'd like."

I nodded and stuck my bags in the truck of my car.

"Stay safe Kathryne." My dad hugged and once again I nodded.

I hugged my sister's goodbye and got the same pity look from both of them.
"Text us if you need anything Katy." They said and for the third time I nodded.

By the time I had gotten in my car, my face felt like a bobble head, just bouncing back and forth.

I had three hours in the car by myself and I planned to use that time for self-evaluation.

What was I doing with my life?

Why hadn't Brandon called?

Had he found someone better?

Dozens of questions continued to flow through my mind and the more they came, the more I wanted to scream.

I forced the radio on and turned it to a random station. Christina Perri's song, Jar of Hearts was playing and I turned it up to full blast.

Who do you think you are...running around leaving scars...
Collecting your jar of hearts...and tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul...
Don't come back for me...who do you think you are...

I shouted each lyric at the top of my lungs and prayed that in some magical way Brandon would be able to hear my cry.

Hear how desperately I wanted him to come home and how desperately I wanted him to call me.

I drove for another two hours, playing sad songs over and over again. I could feel my heart literally turning cold and I even put my heat on.

My hands clenched onto the stirring wheel and I cried with each song that played.

Then there was the occasional pump up song that got me realizing that this wasn't my fault. After all Brandon left ME.

'Cause baby now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you've done
'Cause baby now we got bad blood!

Taylor Swift was my new inspiration and I played her music all the way to my new home for the next four years.

That was another thing. College. How was I going to get my bachelor degree in business if all I thought about was Brandon?

I pulled into Georgia Tech's parking lot, turned off my car, and then laid my head down on the stirring wheel to pray.

Praying wasn't something I did often but I realized that I needed God's help today more than any.

So I did. I prayed that I would survive the next four years of my life with no distraction of Brandon Miller.

The prayer worked too. I went through my entire college career without hearing from Brandon. I did think about him on occasion but mostly I was too busy studying to think about any guy.

Until one day when my roomate was watching Extra on TV. I had just came in from my final exam when all of a sudden she quickly turns off the TV and sticks our land line behind her back.

"Laila? What's going on? What was that?"

"Nothing." She smiles quickly.

"Come on what could you possibly be hiding....."

I slowly moved her away from the TV and what I saw on the screen brought me back to the day I arrived. To the day when I prayed that I would never have to encounter any part of Brandon ever again.

Four years. Four years without ever hearing from him and now he was making his first big movie appearance, Step Up.

"What about the phone? I asked slowly sinking into the couch. "Why uh...why are you hiding it?"

"He called...." She told me gently. "He wanted to tell you about the movie and that he hopes you're doing well..."

My blood boiled. I couldn't even scream or shout or even get angry because it wouldn't compare to the emotion I was feeling.

He hoped that I was well? What did that even mean? Of course I wasn't well!

Through all my distraught and tempered emotions I took a moment to realize that he looked so good. The acting life was treating him well. All I could do was stare at the screen. What happened to my small town country boy of a best friend?

"Katy...come on. Let's grab something to eat. You don't need to be watching this."

I had told Laila everything. From how Brandon and I met in first grade to how he proposed and left.

"I uh...I'm not that hungry Laila. You go ahead though. I think...I think I'm gonna call Brandon back...you know, congratulate him on the movie and such."

"Kathryne!" Laila shouted. She rarely ever used my full name and when she did she was usually joking.

This didn't exactly seem like a joke though....

"You have worked so hard to erase your name from your life. You have avoided every magazine and every article referring to him whatsoever and I am not about to let you sit here and watch you stare at this pointless show starring the man who ruined your life."

I sighed and turned off the television. Laila was right. I had worked way to hard to slip back into my old patterns now. So after I graduated I returned home.

Returned to where my life began. To when the times were good and the people stuck around.

My sister's got dates, I stayed single. My sister's got married, I stayed single.

That's just how it was. All because I couldn't take my mind off of one guy, Brandon Miller.

****

Comment what you think of Katy's back story....

Much love,
Lana