wolfstar oneshots!

1. The First Cut is the Deepest

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
And if you want, I'll try to love again

Remus hated thinking about Sirius. 

He hated it. The way his heart would clench, and his head would throb... he despised it. Sirius used to be everything to Remus. His heart and his soul and his mind and his body. Hell, with them the lines between one and the other faded and blurred, so no one knew when Remus starts and where Sirius ends. But now Remus couldn't bring himself to think about Sirius, to acknowledge him. He suffered greatly from this, not thinking, or talking or feeling. For years, it is how Remus has gotten by. He would not give up this plainly unhealthy coping mechanism to try and understand his emotions, because Sirius would not return. Ever. At least, that's what helped him sleep at night. So, he didn't think about Sirius. He didn't talk, and he didn't feel. It was... painful, and bitterly so, but Remus had no choice but to accept it, or he feared he wouldn't be able to survive.

'SERIAL MURDERER SIRIUS BLACK ESCAPES FROM AZKABAN, HAS BEEN NAMED ARMED AND DANGEROUS'

'EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PROTECTUNG YOURSELF AGAINST MURDERERS LIKE BLACK'

'THE EVIL HEIR RETURNS: GRYFFINDOR HOUSE'S OWN PUREBLOOD KILLER'

"What in Christ abo-"

"I know! I know- listen Lupin, I know, but we cannot begin to think of how-"

Minerva McGonagall starts, breaking the news to her former student, just a week before he takes on a teaching place at Hogwarts. He cuts her off.

"Stop! Wait. It's- it's fine. What we had will not cloud my judgement on how dangerous... Black may or may not be. My priority is the safety of my soon-to-be students, and I won't hesitate to do what it takes... when the time comes." Yes, Remus will handle this maturely, like the mature adult he is, not like some sort of lovesick fresh-out-of-the-teens frankly childish boy he was, once. He will continue his mantra of not thinking, of not feeling, of not talking. He has lost sleep over Sirius many, many times throughout his life, but he will not do so anymore. No, he will live just fine, pretending this isn't happening and he will dive into lesson plans and chocolate and such so he can and will forget. That is his adult-y, mature, plan.

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Sirius loved thinking about Remus.

Sirius thought about Remus all the time. When the dementors were far enough, and only his thoughts would accompany him, he thought of those honeysuckle and whiskey eyes, that crooked smile, and the eagle nose of his... Lover? Ex? He didn't know, and, quite frankly, didn't care. He cherished the time he got to think of those moments, where he could almost feel and grasp the warmth he always saw in Remus' eyes, even if it was in his head. He would think about him all day and night if he could. Sirius was still as in love with Remus as the day he had met him, and that was about the only thing that had stayed the same about him through all his years in Azkaban. That, and his cunning, reckless mind. 

He hadn't eaten in a week now, and he was absolutely starving, but it was for a good cause. His escape. The plan itself was simple, and the only reason it would ever work is because Sirius was as utterly stupid as a teenager as he was an adult, and had committed various illegal things like learning the art of the Animagi, a unregistered one at that, resulting in his current appearance as a dog. A thin, shaggy thing, but nonetheless a dog. So, he slips between the bars of his cell, squeezes past a slit in the wall, a sorry excuse for a window, and swam like he was a fish or a whale or a shark. He swam like he was free because he finally, finally, was.

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Author's Note: EEEK!!! First part done, second on the way... promise there's a happy ending, but for now.. LEAVE REQUESTS!! 

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