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4. Bat Out of Hell/I Can't Handle Change

But I gotta get out
I gotta break it out now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our one night together
When it's over you know
We'll both be so alone

When Remus found out what Sirius did, he was gutted. It was a blow on all four of the Marauders, stretching them at the seams to the point of bursting. Sirius' unwavering loyalty cracked just to put Snape in danger? The idea was unthinkable – Sirius was probably the most loyal out of them all. Even when his whole bloodline stood with the same opinions on his friends, on his house, Sirius was resolute; tall and proud, even if it meant he became an outcast amongst powerful people, like Deatheaters, and his own family. He didn't want to think to hard about Sirius' true motives, but it was Peter who suggested that perhaps there was another reason for the young man's actions, one that expanded beyond his hatred for Snape. The werewolf had first dismissed him, chalking the incident up to Sirius' impulsive mind, but now... Now, Remus knew. It hurt a little less, knowing that the mere stupidity of the older Black wasn't the reason Remus' secret was revealed to his worst enemy, however now he knew the problem wasn't only rooted so much further down than what he'd even stopped to consider, but his best friend could be in real trouble too.

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"Sirius?"

"..."

"Sirius! Hello?"

"...Yeah?"

Remus slides down the bathroom door, knowing that Sirius isn't going to open it. He just wants to hear his voice again, see that light shine in his eyes. He fears he's being too forgiving, especially as Sirius admitted it wasn't an accident, but he was just so tired. Sirius is the best friend he's ever had, a consistent support in his battle against his body, and he has committed several crimes so that Remus gets through his transformations safer. Anyways, the Welshman (reluctantly so) acknowledges Snape is smart and isn't going to spill anything if he knows what good for him. Realistically, he should probably wait longer, but he isn't sure how much longer he even has. Summer is coming, and Sirius will have to go back there; an event Remus wants to avoid after overhearing the conversation between Sirius and McGonagall.

"Did you talk to McGonagall?"

"Yeah? Why?"

"I heard some of your conversation."

"...Shit."

"Hey- listen, Sirius. I don't think you should go back to your house. Stay with James or something, anything, but it's just not safe."

"I have to, Rem. They're my family."

"No- no, please. Please. Everything you said, during your detention, it made your actions make sense! You had all this pent-up revulsion for people like Snape, and who better to take it out on than him? I don't condone your actions, but I understand them. I can't confidently say that I wouldn't have done the same as you, maybe as an act of revenge. Please. Please don't go back, Sirius."

"It doesn't matter. If anything, I probably deserve to go back there. Remus, I hate myself for what I did to you. I.. despise it. I put you through hell for my own selfish needs. What kind of friend does that? I'm going home, and I swear I'll willingly do it too. I would rather suffer than you. You didn't ask for what I did."

"Please..."

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Summer of 1976 (6 weeks later)

Dear Remus,

I write to inform you that Sirius has been admitted to St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, after my parents took to physical violence, not for the first time, as a method of reprimanding him for his actions this year. In past years, I liked to think this was not a cause for major concern, however I've been told this was almost resultant in his death. In truth, Remus, I'm getting anxious. I've been barred from visiting him, too, so unfortunately I am unsure of his current state. I was made aware of the fact you and him fell out as of the end of this school year, so my true motive was to tell you that should you want to set things straight with my brother, you should do so soon. His condition is unstable. You were always kind to him. When he talks about you, his eyes light up in a way I simply have not seen before. He loves you Remus. If he holds on, it will be for you. Not for me, or James, you. He won't ever admit it, but he loves you so much that he would quite literally conquer death to tell you. I am sure of it. When you see him, tell him I love him. Tell him I'm safe.

Please do not reply to this letter unless you have visited Sirius and have been told he will make it, in which case send me a blank parchment using a post owl, as to not arouse suspicion. If he is unstable, send two ripped parchments instead. Otherwise, do not send anything else.

Signed,

Regulus Arcturus Black.

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He blinked. Once. Twice. Letting the message sink in. Remus let out a choked sob, tears stinging his eyes that he wasn't going to let fall. 'Almost resultant in his death?' Sirius was only sixteen! Remus is only starting to realise just how grave this situation is. If Sirius dies, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. He wouldn't be able to exist, let alone live. Sirius was the sun in Remus' dreary landscape, and he can't. He can't be without him. It's always 'Sirius and Remus', or 'Remus and Sirius', or even 'Padfoot and Moony'. It is critical that the teen makes it to Sirius' side, to show him he is there, come hell or high waters. Sirius won't die, he won't. He promised to be there every moon. He cares so much; Remus feels as though he would bleed to death with the pain of it all. Slowly, Remus falls. Into the grieving of someone he has not lost. Into the pain of death he has not felt, not yet. He grips at the rocks at the top of the cliff that is hope, but, alas, he drops into the black abyss below it, fearing he would never come back up if Sirius does not return from his sleep, where he, instead of briefly submerging into the ocean of sleep, sinks to the bottom, where only shipwrecks and skeletons lay. In a way, Remus almost welcomes the feeling of dark numbness eating at his chest. After all, would he really want to live when a part of his heart, his soul, is gone?

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I can't help but repeat myself
I know it's not your fault
Still lately, I begin to shake
For no reason at all

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Author's Note: More angst!! YAY! I know I said I was sorry, but I felt like my last chapter needed more closure, so I OBVIOUSLY left it on Remus contemplating his existence!! You can really tell I love you guys... anyways, I have an exciting one coming up next, nothing to do with the war or the prank, so please show your love and give me a vote (I'm desperate) also REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!!!!