purple // lee minho ✔️

chapter four

never loved you for this

"so we'll have you come back in four weeks to make sure the medication worked. we just need you to sign these papers. the top one is consenting to a procedure given the medication doesn't work. but typically in your case it works, it's just a precaution." the doctor explains. you could hardly hear a word she was saying, you felt numb. "so um... you can pay at the front desk whenever you're done signing these." she places a pen atop of the papers, smiling at you before walking away.

absentmindedly, you signed everything, not bothering to read any of the papers. and in less than five minutes, you were handing the receptionist your card. you watch as she hands you a receipt, bidding you a good day. of course, you said thank you, but you knew it would be nothing of the sort.

you were terminating the pregnancy. you tried to give minho the benefit of the doubt, but things only got worse. and you promised yourself you wouldn't raise a baby with an absent father. you couldn't do that.

so you drove home, to the home you still shared with minho. the pills hidden away in your purse. you felt terrible, already planning on faking the loss of the pregnancy. you wouldn't tell him you were terminating it. he would never agree, despite it being his suggestion in the first place, he made it clear over the last few days how he really felt about it. but you couldn't have a baby with him. you just couldn't.

when you arrived home, you felt heavy, the weight of your decision was heavy, but you knew it was the right decision. it didn't help that minho was actually home on time for once, a rarity, but you were always so appreciative of it when it happens. though you knew it was typically the work of his assistant forcing him out of the office.

he was sat in the kitchen, nose buried into his laptop as his glasses slowly slid down the bridge of his nose. it didn't take him long to see you, and of course, he greeted you with a warm smile.

"hi baby, where have you been?" he asks, pulling out the chair next to him as he motions for you to sit with him. every now and then he would do things like this, things that made you fall in love with him in the first place. but it wasn't enough for you, you knew his mind was still always focused on work and his money.

"i went to the doctor." you tell him innocently, having no intentions of elaborating any further.

"everything okay?" he asks, and if you hadn't known him as well as you did, you wouldn't have noticed him switch a tab on his laptop to check his bank account, knowing you would usually use his card.

"everything's fine, just a check up." you smile, knowing the pills were only a few inches away from the two of you, tucked into your purse.

"where's the charge?" he asks, sounding more concerned about that than when he asked if you were okay. you knew him all to well.

"i used my own card." you wave him off.

"how come?" he questions.

"i left yours here." you shrug.

"hm, well the cook will have dinner for us soon." he tells you, going straight back to his work.

"okay. i'm going to the bathroom, i'll be back." you smile warmly at him, placing a gentle peck on his cheek as you grab your purse, and head to the bathroom.

you shut and lock the door behind you, taking in your appearance in the rather large mirror. you looked exhausted, and you looked hurt. anyone would be able to see that, except for minho, because despite him looking at you, he never really sees you. and that was now more evident than ever.

you sat your purse in the counter, fishing the pill bottle out. you sigh upon reading the prescription. you were really doing this. with one final sigh, you pop off the lid, placing one on your tongue. you turn the faucet on, scooping some water up in your hand before bringing it to your lips, swallowing the pill, and sealing the deal. no turning back now.

there was a part of you that had hoped, by some miracle, minho would act differently today, and it would persuade you to not take the pills. but that was wishful thinking. minho won't change. his heart is in his work. and there is nothing wrong with that, but you couldn't justify starting a family with him. you weren't even entirely sure if he wanted such a thing. you were only convinced he wanted an heir. and you'd be damned if you'd let that happen to your baby.

you were heartbroken, and you couldn't stop the tears as they fell. contrary to minho, you did want a family, and you were excited about the pregnancy.

"why did it have to be him..." you whisper to yourself. you never thought that simply giving your number to an old crush could lead to such pain. minho was such a great person back in college, back when he had just about as much money as everyone else. before he believed himself to be better than anyone. he was perfect.

you couldn't deny the fact that he was a great man. always willing to spend his money on you, for any reason, but he was never actually there. no matter how much you begged for him to be there, begged for him to show he cared in any other way besides using his money.

but he wasn't capable of that. the words he would always tell you only giving you another reason to go through with this.

"i don't need to buy you flowers, we have a garden."

"i don't need to take you to restaurants, we have personal chefs."

"i don't need a vacation, our house is waterfront, has a theater, a gym, everything i need is here."

his affection was lost in material things. you knew most people would be perfectly content in your situation, having everything you could ever wish for. but those on the outside of something like this would never get it. where you had luxury, you lacked love. where you had style, you lacked care, and where you had convenience, you lacked emotion.

sure you could survive like this, but you weren't living.

and you just couldn't do it any longer.