Never You (Penelope/Colin)

Part 8

With her heart and mind in complete shambles the next day, the last place Penelope wanted to be at was the Bridgerton Manor. But there she was, cushioned between Lady Violet and her own mother for afternoon tea. As if things weren't difficult enough, the Cowpers were also in attendance, which meant she was forced to watch Eloise and Cressida act like the best of friends. Occasionally Eloise would glance at her from the other side of the room, as if to gauge her reaction. The optimistic part of Penelope hoped it was because her former friend still cared, but the cynic in her knew otherwise. Eloise wanted to make it crystal clear that Penelope was alone now. Without Eloise, without the Bridgertons, she was an outsider. And who better to emphasize that point with than Cressida Cowper herself. The tall blonde had bullied Penelope since they were little girls, and now Eloise had joined forces with Satan herself. As if on cue, Cressida cast her a disparaging glance, whispering something in Eloise's ears before both women exchanged a spiteful smile.

It was one thing to have Eloise be angry at her, that Penelope understood and could live with, but to see Eloise and Cressida's blossoming friendship felt like an arrow through the heart. And it hurt, it hurt so much.

The night of the ball Penelope would've done anything to reconcile with Eloise, but since then she came to realize a lot of hard truths. The ton, Eloise, Colin – they only accepted her as long as she followed their rules. A woman like her, shy and large, not borne into wealth or beauty wasn't allowed to want things. She had to remain voiceless, live in the shadow of others, not expect to be loved or cherished. The moment she refused to play the part of an insipid wallflower she was punished. And that was fine, she would live with the consequences of the choices she made. But what she wouldn't do was reveal her pain for anyone's enjoyment. So Eloise could be as snide as she wanted, she and Cressida could humiliate her to their heart's content but they would never conquer her publicly.

"Penelope, you looked lovely at the VanGuard soiree."

Breaking out of her reverie, Penelope smiled at Lady Violet. "Thank you."

"The various shades of green have been a surprise," Portia chimed in, sipping her tea. "I wasn't with Penelope the day she went to the modiste and Miss Delacroix certainly took advantage of that. Probably talked my foolish child into buying all the unused fabrics she couldn't sell to others."

"I doubt Miss Delacroix has to resort to trickery to sell her clothes," Penelope replied.

"She is very much in demand as a dressmaker," Lady Violet added.

"Hmph..." was her mama's response. "I suppose it could have been much worse. At least the green doesn't wash out her complexion too much."

Violet responded with a stiff smile. "I thought it suited her quite well." She turned to Penelope. "We've missed having you here for tea."

Penelope merely smiled.

"I suppose my Cressida has kept Eloise so busy these past few weeks she hasn't had time for... others." Penelope had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at Lady Cowper. The apple certainly didn't fall far from the condescending tree.

"I'm sure that will be rectified soon," Lady Violet replied, a hopeful tilt to her voice.

Penelope didn't have the heart to tell her things had irrevocably changed. Eloise refused to understand her motivations, and Penelope wasn't willing to fall on her sword to make things right between them.

"Mother, Cressida and I are going to take a stroll in the gardens," Eloise announced, linking her arms through Cressida's as they both headed out of the room.

Lady Violet's warm eyes gleamed with compassion as she directed her attention back to Penelope. "Would you like to join them?"

That was the last thing she wanted. "Is it alright if I visit the library?"