random things in lowercase letters

worst part of admiring someone

personally,
the worst part of admiring someone or being inlove with someone who doesn't feel the same way is that you're gonna get insecure of almost everything.
you will get jealous of almost everything.

at first,
you'll enjoy the feeling of being attached to them.
the butterflies you feel everytime you had a little interactions with them. you really like that one specific person to the point that you memorized their perfume.
you know what he wore yesterday. the feeling when you accidentally touched his soft skin still lingers in your mind even after 3 days.
it's just a happy crush.
everything's fine,
everything's soft.

but everytime you saw him,
you fall inlove deeper and deeper and you didn't realize that you're already in the bottom.
that's where the insecurities and jealousy will start to bomb your mind.
you'll get insecure of almost everything.
you'll get bombarded with thoughts and questions;
why can't he notice me?
why can't . . . he like me back?
i know, some of us thinks and assumes that . . . what if he feel the same way?
and then get hurt and crashed when the reality slaps you hard . . .
in the face and remind us that it's impossible and we're just being delusional.

we're gonna get insecure of our looks thinking that . . .
what if i don't look like this?
if i'm pretty just like the girl i saw him with;
will he notice me?
you'll get jealous of the things and people who can be with him anytime they want.
and you'll start to hurt yourself by the things that is out of your control.
it's hard.
but you can't tell your friends because you know they won't understand