random things in lowercase letters

dear surgeon,

hi!
how are you?
i hope you're doing well
and sleeping well at night.
if you're gonna ask me how i'm doing—i'm in my room.
reading self-help books.
annotating words that hit my chest, but will probably forget after i close it. the clouds outside are turning grey. and the sky is getting heavier.
the rain started to pour.
taylor's songs as my background music while i try my hardest to catch words falling from my head—like a tetris—i'm trying to put them where they belong.
my mind was occupied with blurry lines: i forgot the clothes hanging outside and now they're all wet—what i'm trying to say is i'm sad.
i miss you.
and i'm sad.
you took my heart with you
and now i feel empty yet still alive.
it was only a short period of time,
but what i felt was real.
you made me feel safe.
you made me feel what it is like to have someone who adores you.
you made me feel wonderful.
but i always torture myself by pushing people away.
and i regret it every minute that has passed my life since we stopped speaking with each other.
i'm so sorry for confusing you.
i'm sorry if i made you feel like i was manipulating your feelings because of how i acted— sweet the other day and the next day i treated you like nothing.
i was aware of what i was doing,
yet i didn't do anything to make it right.
i'm sorry.
please, don't wait for me.
i won't disturb and bother you anymore.
let me suffer.
in that way, i won't be able to feel guilty because of not being the right person for you.
i wish you a nice shift everyday.
i'm rooting for you, surgeon.