How did we end up like this?

Chapter 4

Tris POV:

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes while I stare at him, unsure of what to say. I decide to dive headfirst into the question that has been torturing me for months now. I feel a hot rush of anger bubbling and coursing through my bones, burning every part that it touches. 

"What did I do to make you break up with me? Were you so disgusted by the fact that I wasn't pure for you anymore? That's hypocritical, don't you think? And it's not like I wanted those things to happen to me. You think I asked for that?"

"What?" He interjects sharply. "What do you mean, pure?"

My eyes go wide with shock. "You don't know?" I ask him, confusion overwhelming me. I thought that's why he broke up with me.

"Does it mean what I think it means, Tris?"

I inhale and look up at him through my eyelashes, directly at his eyes. White hot pearls of tears gather in my eyes and I clench my fists tight. I scrunch up my face. 

"Yes, Tobias. Yes." 

His face contorts with pain. He curses loudly. 

"I thought you cheated on me, Tris. Someone sent me an anonymous voicemail with kissing sounds. Your name was said repeatedly."

My jaw goes slack with every word that comes out of his mouth. Horror floods every vein in my body. He thought I cheated on him? What the actual hell was going through his mind that made him decide to NOT CONFRONT ME ABOUT IT BEFORE HURTING ME LIKE NO ONE HAS BEFORE.

"Tobias. I...I can't forgive you for what you did. I am still healing from what I went through. I can't believe you didn't confront me about your 'ideas' before breaking up with me. The fact that you automatically assumed everything was true. You have no clue what I went through. What was eating me alive inside this whole time. I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME BECAUSE I WAS DISGUSTING FOR GETTING RAPED. I THOUGHT YOU CONSIDERED ME USED AND THREW ME AWAY BECAUSE I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH." 

At this point tears are streaming down my face and I am visibly shaking. I am beyond upset. He put me through hell. He tore me apart. He hasn't even apologized yet. 

"Tris." His voice breaks. His jaw clenches in anger. I think he is mad at me. "Tris. You.. there aren't words to describe what Im trying to say. I wont say I'm sorry because I know you don't want my pity, but, for the love of god, if you know who did this to you, please tell me. And when you get the chance, ruin them. Tris listen to me." 

He reaches his fingers under my chin and pulls me towards him. He tilts my head up. For a moment he glances down at my lips. 

But then he speaks. " I thought you didn't want me. I thought that you cheated on me. That you used me. Tris what I thought you did broke me so much that I couldn't deal with the situation rationally. I loved you, and I thought you acted like it meant nothing. ... Im guilty for thinking you could ever cheat on me."

I say nothing. I am to entranced by his eyes.

"Tris you're beautiful. Do not let that monster's actions define you."

I start to sob. I so badly want him to wrap his arms around me and comfort me like before, but I doubt it's going to happen. Each cry wracks my body and I feel as if I'm going to break. I feel dirty, disgusting, disgusted with myself for not trying harder to save the relationship. 

Then I feel it. His arms circling my body, pulling him close to me. I breathe in shakily, taking in his familiar smell. A wet patch forms on his shirt from my tears. I am broken, because of Four, who stands in front of me, yet I am healing because of him.