Dreams Who Never Come True

Chapter 13: I've Been Wrong, You Weren't

"Is...is he alright?" I let those words slip out of my mouth, for my father and mother to all hear. My quavering voice, filled with nothing other than utter rubbish, weaved itself in power of my capricious thoughts. My mind was grotesquely full of trepidation.

My head hurt. It stung, like a swollen-up injury. My thoughts hit me, battered me, in their obstinate attempt to somewhat mortify me. Worrisome thoughts, quizzical thoughts, all sorts of thoughts. It was challenging and quite convoluting for me to identify which was which. All I knew was that.. it was just there. I could half-heartedly sense it, lingering in my mind. It was quite... daunting in some way.

My deleterious father, who had returned, emulates me. With enmity radiating off the pupils in his execrable eyes, he begins to harangue me. His words tumble out of his mouth, indicating a clear warning: To not touch my mother. I, as who I simply was, with my fickle thoughts, simply just nod.

In a some-what perfunctory tone and rancor, my father spoke. His words left me puzzled, in a daze. I didn't understand a word that barraged out of his mouth. "Your culpable brother, and all of his morose cupidity, is gone..."

Still, confused as ever, I gain an urge to ruminate about the experiences with Ji-ho of which I had just witnessed with my own two eyes. His attempt to put an end to my life. Was his actions truly temerity? Was it vindictive umbrage he held towards me?

The scene of events were quite out of the blue for me. How did my quixotic little dream turn into my brother leaving me for who knows how long? How did everything occur in such a rapid pace? Me, as who I was, couldn't wrap my head around the matter of events and the quandary that were just displayed in front of my eyes. I was just... confused. Life, in general, was one large, aggrieving question with plethoras of questions engraved inside it, to help one gain a better understanding about life. At least, at this age and time, that was how I viewed it.

".... He was licentious, Myeong. Don't care about him. Eschew him. He will die. Maggots, I hope, will cover his bloodied body." My father ushers the last sentence in a deriding way of speech. My father was insane. A lunatic. Here I was, standing in utter confusion, while he is talking about how fractious and deserving Ji-ho was to die. At least, he wasn't speaking of me... I guess. I lost my father's words in the middle of one of his ignominious and gratuitous sentences.

Then, before I knew it, my father and mother were gone. My father, in some furtive way, had gone off to somewhere else with my mother. It was probably because my father was concerned about my mother, for whether she was safe or not. For whether she was alive, or dead. Of course, now little 'gregarious' and inarticulate me was left in solitude, in my room, in my daze. I wasn't just alone physically, as in my parents suddenly disappearing somewhere else, I was alone mentally.

My mind was nothing more than a black hole, sucking and taking in the life I once had. My mind and I felt contentious, but I knew this wasn't the case. After all, it's me. How can a war wage inside of me? If that were to be the case, deep down, the war would just be Myeong-Jun vs Myeong-Jun. Who will win? My arbitrary thoughts said, no one.

I fell back onto my bed, allowing myself to succumb back into my little dilly-dally world. I daydream, because I can't experience such experiences within the world I currently live in. My ideal world and the reality surrounding me were discordant. I want an effervescent world, but the reality around me is equivocal. Right now, it's just all an esoteric and arcane setting. Other times, it's frenetic and quite... violent in some way.

My meager way to escape the reality around me was what keeps me going. Having an escape route once in a while, having room to just... breath... it all felt relaxing and reassuring. Sometimes, in life, I need a break from the confusing and tragic events circulating around me. When there's no one there for me, I have to be there for myself, right?