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Full title:An Alpha So Second by the_atticwriter Source: Blossom Awards 2024 Category: Fantasy Mature: N (swearing, mature scenes) Status: Ongoing Round 1: 36/40 Round 2: Judged by NoelleAnn397
Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.
*****
Round 1 total: 36/40
Title: 10/10 Interesting, tells the reader to expect werewolves, and just gets the job done. Good job.
Blurb/synopsis: 8/10 I prefer shorter blurbs, and I don't really like the excerpts from the book that precede the actual synopsis, but I realize that's all personal preference.
There are some punctuation issues with your dialogue and some phrasing issues that need some tweaking. I know punctuation rules with dialogue vary with English usage, but I'm pretty sure there should always be punctuation at the end of a quote. So, the quote in the first paragraph should end with "...council," if you're using US English. A good editing tool that supports your English usage could be really helpful at catching these little errors that just happen in the normal course of writing. You don't need the "For once" to start the third paragraph, and there are excessive words in the second paragraph of the second section ("...that had gotten my grandfather to get this way?" could be simplified to "...that had upset my grandfather?") And at the end of the second section, do you mean "forgo," or "forgive?" I think "forgive" would work better. In the third section, "pounds" could be "pound" (but this may depend on your English usage). Swapping "accepting" to "agreeing" in the second paragraph of the third section would make for a smoother, more natural feel.
But, overall, this is good, and it gives away just enough information without making the reader feel like there's nothing left to the story. Oh, and obviously, the reader can expect mild explicit language just based on the content of the blurb, but a content warning at the bottom would let the reader know if that's all they can expect, or if there's more to watch out for.
Cover: 9/10 The only reason this is a 9 is because I can't read the line under "An Original Story." Otherwise, the colors, images, font, text, everything else is great. I don't personally like the orange sticker in the upper left-hand corner, but it tells me this is a Wattpad Original, and it's not too obtrusive.
First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10 Um...I feel really bad about this, but in the disclaimer, when you say you try not to make errors...um...you use "bare" when it should be "bear." So...um...I'm giggling and feeling so awkward right now. But, I don't mind clichés - bring them on! - and there's the content warning I wanted. I still think it should go in the blurb, too, and maybe review Wattpad's guidelines for what should be marked as mature, as this may qualify, pending what those "mature scenes" are like. Oh! And I can read that line on the cover now! XD
So, in the first chapter, there are a few missed commas to close quotations, and a few areas where you could add commas into the dialogue, but that's more of a stylistic choice than anything. Gerrard's name is spelled "Gerrard" when he's first mentioned, and then it's spelled "Garrard" later on, but that's just a quick fix. And, just a question for me, how does one chuckle angrily? I've heard of laughing maniacally, but chuckling angrily is a new one to me. Hm... Anyway, this is really good, I'm obviously nitpicking, and you've done a great job. 🙂
