In My Opinion

How to Survive Murder by xtaviavalx

Full title: How To Survive Murder by xtaviavalx
Source: Blossom Awards 2024
Category: Thriller
Mature: N (swearing, graphic descriptions, drug and alcohol abuse)
Status: Ongoing
Round 1: 36/40
Round 2: Judged by NoelleAnn397

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

Round 1 total: 36/40

Title: 10/10
Love it. Great title.

Blurb/synopsis: 8/10
The second paragraph is a bit confusing and bumpy. Is Caleb's last name Everest? That would make everything make more sense, but I think rearranging the paragraph a little would fix it. I've read and reread it a few times, and this is an idea I came up with, but you have your own style, so do what you want: "Caleb hates Jeremey Everest with a burning passion, even though Jeremey is, in fact, dead. The limelight has been on the Everest family ever since the tragic murder of Jeremey and his older sister Fiona last year, and Caleb hopes that entering a mysterious competition will help him escape this torture and leave London for good."

In the third paragraph, ending the third and fourth sentences with question marks makes more sense, since they're questions you're postulating the reader is asking, and a comma before "you may ask" sets the question apart from the speaker, just like normal dialogue. Also, the last sentence doesn't quite fit with the rest of the paragraph. Every other sentence has been a question, and it feels like this one should be, too. Maybe something like: "What if Caleb and Selina discover that everything is not as it seems?" But that particular sentence then makes more sense set apart as its own paragraph for some punch value. Like I said, you have your own style, so just something to think about.

Cover: 10/10
The perfect blend of lightheartedness with a touch of darkness. I love the colors, the notes, the blood spatter, font, text, everything. Fantastic.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
Your first story? Congratulations! You're off to a great start. I'd like to see the content warning also included at the end of the blurb, as it's nice to see that info right away, before getting into the book.

"Peaked" should be "piqued." And you're missing a zero from the prize amount in the newspaper article. A missing "her" before stylish - these are all just little things you can catch with another proofread. "Revise" or "review" later? "Enough" instead of "enlighten," "wander" instead of "wonder." Just little things. The paragraph about the strange woman standing static needs a little work. Where is the woman with the purple jacket absent? Is it the picture in the newspaper? That sentence doesn't really make sense. But I love the friendship between Selina and Penny. Their interactions are so natural. And I started to feel a little sorry for Selina as her life is described, but seeing the texts from her mother really makes my heart hurt for her. I love your descriptions, the way you let the reader into Selina's head, and the ending of the chapter is perfect.

*****

Round 2: Judged by NoelleAnn397