In My Opinion

Daughters of Kalika by Shivran86

Full title: Daughters of Kalika by Shivran86
Source: Blossom Awards 2024
Category: Thriller
Mature: Y (nudity, blood, death, trauma, sexual content)
Status: Complete
Round 1: 34/40 (did not progress to round 2)

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book.

*****

Round 1 total: 34/40

Title: 10/10
I love this title. Any chance to read something from another cultural perspective is a chance I can't pass up.

Blurb/synopsis: 7/10
Okay, so, I'm guessing English isn't your first language, which is fine. You write really well for a non-native speaker (or writer, I guess). A general suggestion, before I point out anything specific, is to look into an editing tool that supports your English usage. That can help you refine your writing and bring it more in line with English standards.

So, anyway, I don't think you need the first or second sections in the blurb. Maybe you could keep the first, as a short bit might hook some readers who don't want to click the "more" button to read the rest, but it needs a little cleaning up. This reads a bit smoother: "Maya, a journalist, finds herself in the middle of a religious panic when a prostitute she met is found murdered." I added "a" before religious panic, to signify that this is a specific event or occurrence, removed "had," because it's unnecessary with the already past-tense verb "met," and removed "to be" because, again, it's just unnecessary, and the meaning doesn't change at all by removing them.

I wouldn't keep the bit about Lucifer, though. He's not mentioned at all in the more detailed blurb, so I don't think you should mention him here, unless you want to add something about him into the more detailed blurb.

For the longer blurb, the only issue I'm seeing is a few unnecessary words here or there. Sometimes, being too wordy can obscure the idea you want the reader to get, so a little cutting and condensing is in order. You don't need "something" in the first sentence, and in the third paragraph, you can condense "next-in-line in a chain" to "next in a chain." Similarly, you can condense "in the life of Maya which tempts her" to "that tempts Maya." Cut out "out" in the last sentence, maybe add a "will she" before "succumb," and there you have it. The meaning didn't change at all, and now you have a nice, concise blurb that tells me just enough to pique my interest but keeps plenty of secrets so I have to read on.

Cover: 9/10
The only reason this isn't a 10 is the smaller text at the bottom of the image. Increasing the size just a touch would make it easier to read without squinting. Otherwise, I love this. The creator is indeed a magician.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
A content warning in the blurb about nudity would be appreciated, along with the rest of what you list in the characters/aesthetics chapter. I think you could rename the chapter to something a bit cleaner/smoother. Just "Introduction" would work. But I love the effort you've put into this, and, although I skipped the features section because I don't want my opinion to be influenced by others, kudos!

I love your concept chapter. Like I said about the title, any chance to learn more about another culture is a chance I want to take. Your descriptions are wonderful. I will probably keep this chapter open in one tab while I read so I can reference it as needed. And you really didn't have any grammatical errors here. Your unique voice comes through loud and clear, and I love it. One thing, I would recommend putting a space before opening a parenthesis, just like you do after you close it (.

A note about chapter titles: It's up to you, but it feels weird to me that you capitalize the first letter of each word of the non-story chapters, but you don't capitalize anything in the story chapters (except for a few that I see look like proper names/religious concepts, but I'm not sure). Just something for you to look at, see if you want to keep it that way. On into the first chapter.

The sentence where you say, "was being worrisome for futile," would make more sense as, "was worrying for no reason." Similarly, "her mind told things would go easy and good," could just be, "her mind was at ease." Flipping "then and now" to "now and then" puts it more in line with the common phrase, as does changing "deep into thoughts" to "deep in thought."

Is "Bong" supposed to be capitalized? I ask because you capitalized it in the concept chapter, but it's not capitalized here.

There's this section where the paragraph is split in the middle. If you scroll through, you'll find it. You just have to backspace the bottom line back to the previous line. It's a weird Wattpad thing that happens every so often.

And, oh my gosh, I'm in love. This is the dive into another culture that I love to experience, and you write so much better than so many native English speakers, and your voice in the story is so clear, and it's just wonderful. I love this.