My Summer Romance | Graham Coxon

4. Gloomy Graham

(TW for this chapter)

Graham-

I suddenly wake up from a dream in a cold sweat. My heart is racing faster than light and I can't seem to catch my breath. My hands are sweaty and my feet are numb.

I hear myself breathing heavily as I sit up on my bed and look around. I slowly seep back into reality. It's calmer than my mind. The afternoon sun is shining outside and the clock on my bedside table reads 3:20 pm.

I dreamt of him, again.

My dad.

It was a happy memory back from when I was a kid probably around 6-7 years old. Things were like they used to be. Uncomplicated and peaceful. My dad, my mom, my sister and me. I saw all of us.

But before I can comprehend the dream I hear my sister shouting my name from downstairs, "Gra! Come down! Damon's on the phone!"

I rub the sleep out of my eyes and go downstairs. I don't get to talk with damon that much so when he calls I sort of have to receive it urgently.

My sister hands me the phone and I speak into it, "erm- damon! Erm- how's the vacation going? Are you with your family?" I stutter. I still haven't recovered from the dream I just had.

"It's good fun. We're staying at a hotel, will go back to my uncle's house tomorrow.. " Damin explains.

"And what about the song? Did you write anything? I wrote a few lyrics!" He adds on.

Shit. I just remembered. Before going away, me and Damon made a promise to make a song together. He'd write the lyrics and I'd come up with a riff. We'd make something this month and show it to each other after he comes back.

"No... Not really.. " I say truthfully.

Damon sounds upset, "You forgot, didn't you?"

"Damon. A lot has been going on. "

"Yeah. Update me on that. What's going on with you and your new step sister y/n? " He chuckled to tease me.

I rolled my eyes, "Well I don't know..."

"Do you like her now?" Damon teased even more.

"No but I am pretending to."

"What!?"

I look around and the room is empty so I explain, "We're pretending to sort of date each other so that our parents find out and get disgusted, disgusted enough to call off the wedding."

There is a moment of silence on the phone.

"You are fucking crazy!" Damon laughs from the other end.

I shrug, "It's her idea."

"And you're complying with it?" He asks.

"Yeah... " I reply.

He laughs more, "Both of you are mental. Absolutely made for each other, just shag already!"

"Piss off." I roll my eyes and he continues to chuckle.

"By the way, Damon I had this dream and I sort of want to talk about it erm-"

He speaks over me, "Gra wait I have to go now! We're all going to the pool! I'll call tomorrow or day after, whenever I can. Bye!"

"Bye-"

We hang up.

I go back to my room with a heavy heart and as soon as I sit down on the bed, the dream dawns on me. Fuck I don't want to think about it.

I pick up my guitar and start to write a riff for our song. It'll hopefully distract me and I do want to make music with Damon. He's taking it seriously and so will I.

I mess around with the guitar, attempting to write a riff in different keys but nothing is sounding right..? Fuck! I groan and throw the guitar on the floor.

I start to pace around my room in a panic. It's scary how fast life moves and how quickly things change. I am being haunted by my dream and my past.

It also feels like I've lost all my musical abilities. I've never had a block like this. I feel hopeless. There's something wrong with me. I am to blame for all this. I have upset Damon probably the same way I upset my dad years ago.

I quickly grab something from my table and lock myself in my bathroom. I slide down the wall and open up my palms to look at it.

It's a sharp blade.

I can't see out of my glasses because my eyes are watering. I feel tears slowly stream down my cheeks as I penetrate the sharp object deep into the skin of my arm.

I have hurt myself 5 times already this week. It's been tough. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless...

-

(The next day)

We're going to George and y/n's house this time instead of them visting us. Our mum is driving us there and Luna is also joining.

"Where does y/n even live?" Luna asks.

"Not that far. Actually George and y/n used to live in London but they moved to our town this month so their house is only 10 minutes from ours. How lovely!" My mum exclaims.

I put my head against the window and wait and wait till we reach there..

To,

Y/n's house.

Y/N-

I open the door to Graham, his mum and his sister. They all come in and I share a mischievous look with Graham to communicate to him about our plan through my expressions but he seems distant like he isn't even here.

He slowly sits down on the dining table as all of us indulge in conversation. He's quiet, like more than usual.

Today he's a gloomy boy with his head down. He's always been like this but not in this way. Has he always been shy? Yes but not sad. not like this. ever.

We all resume our conversations over dinner while Graham remains as silent as a sky. I sit down next to him so our parents can notice but they couldn't be bothered.

So I grab a piece of the food and feed him with a fork, "Taste it! It tastes lovely!"

He nods and takes a bite.

"It does taste lovely! Did you make it?" He goes along with it.

"Yes I did!" I reply.

He smiles, "Oh that's why it tastes so nice!"

I smile as well and squeeze his arm, "You're right."

He silently wheezes and represses a moan of agony. Graham pulls down the sleeves of his jumper when I ask, "Is something wrong?"

Did I hurt him? Why is he wearing a jumper during summer season?

Soon that moment passess and I don't know if our parents saw us or if only Luna noticed. I was too busy looking at Graham, trying to figure him out.

I hope he's okay... What the fuck is going on with him?