i want you | elijah hewson

010 | i want you

tw: slight indication of an eating disorder & an abusive relationship

song of the chapter: I Want You - Inhaler

amy's POV

"Breathe." I thought to myself, trying to catch my breath again, hiccuping in between each gulp of air I inhaled.

Tears continued to stream down my face. I rubbed my eyes, as if doing so would make the image of him leave my mind.

I found myself no longer able to stand up, deciding to instead slide down the wall of the front of the pub, sitting on the pavement, and bringing my knees to my chest, into a hug.

I shook my head and lowered it down to my knees. I thought I was over him. I can't believe I have to do this to Eli.

"Amy?" A familiar but wavering voice spoke out. "Aims!" Eli said with a hint of relief as he caught sight of me sat against the wall.

"I-I-I'm sorry Eli." I say, now breaking out into a sob, him immediately sitting down next to me and pulling me into his warm embrace.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, my love." He said stroking my hair as he planted a kiss on my head. He pulled away to meet my eyes, "What happened back there? Was it me? I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, that was never my intention."

I chuckled as I wiped away a tear. He's so perfect. "God no, Eli, there's nothing you could do that would make me feel that way."

He smiled, his cheeks turning a light rose. "Well what's upset you then, love?" he spoke softly as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my right ear.

I sighed. I really wished that this would be the fresh start I needed, but evidently, James still had a hold on me, just like he had that night.

"I can't do this, Eli." I began, a frown now forming on his face, "Do what, Aims?" he replied hesitantly.

I couldn't bear to look at him. "I can't be with you."

He pulled away.

"What?" His voice started to shake.

"I thought I was ready for this, for us." I sniffed, "You deserve so much better, Eli, you deserve someone who isn't broken, who isn't so boring or so normal and fat and ugly."

I saw in my peripheral vision that his eyes had become glassy but his mouth remained open and not a word came out of it. "You deserve someone like Riley. You clearly work better together."  I mumbled.

To my surprise, he shuffled back closer to me, cupping the left side of my chin with his hand. "Amy." he spoke earnestly, "I don't need you to be all that - it's nonsense, because in my eyes, you're already perfect. I don't need you to be someone else."

My bottom lip started to quiver and a salty droplet rolled down my cheek.

"Baby, I want you. Only you. All of you. Nothing but you. Aims, I want you." And with that, he place both of his hands on my face and pulled me into a deep and passionate kiss, the gentle yet raw connection lasting for what seemed like an eternity.

God I had yearned for that so much.

But James' demeaning mantra, that had been repeated and spat at me constantly throughout the two years we were together, wouldn't evade my thoughts.

Even though I wanted to stay in Eli's arms, stay on his lips, stay with him, forever, he didn't deserve having to put up with someone as broken as me. He deserved someone he wouldn't have to fix.

So I left him.

I had to.

"I can't do this to you, Eli." My tear-filled eyes met his, "You deserve better than this."

I kissed him one last time, to show that I still cared greatly about him, but I walked away.
I held in my sob until I turned the corner, out of his sight and broke down, covering my mouth with my hand to quieten my cries.

He'll be better off without me. He'll find someone new and he'll be happier than he ever would have been with me.

I had made the right decision.

Right?

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
he said it!!! he said the thing!!!
did amy make the right decision??
sorry this is kind of a filler; I ran out of inspiration lolz x

once again, if anyone is affected by the themes in this chapter, please speak to someone you trust and my dms are always open <3