First

Fifteen

I felt hot tears flowing down my cheeks rapidly as my fingers clenched onto the letter. I sniffed and cried and then again sniffed and cried.

At first, he let me cry since we both had this unspoken understanding that when someone cries, we let them but as my cries became louder and unstoppable every passing second, he shifted closer and consoled me, and I let him do it. The comfort I felt around him was unexplainable. It was like I could do anything around him and he wouldn't judge but just laugh about it.

As I tried to wipe my tears, I felt him doing the same and the affinity I felt with him were again unexplainable. In between his "shush' I found my smile and contentment. His fingers on my cheek felt warm and welcoming, his eyes on me made me realize every single reason why I fell for him in the first place. I just knew... I just knew he was right. This was right. We were right.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through this..." I managed to somehow speak, while still crying but not as heavily as I was.

"Don't apologize for that." He whispered with no emotion in his tone. There was sadness in his eyes but I could not see the pain or the grief anymore which was almost relieving. "It's been 9 years since the incident and I have learnt to accept it. Slowly but yes."

As I handed him the letter, he put it back inside his locket very carefully. He folded the paper in the gentlest way possible. Once the letter was back in its place, he placed his hand on the locket and smiled. It was no wonder he treated the letter so gently as if it was the most fragile thing in the world because it was his mother's last gift to him, one of the last things she ever did before leaving.

As I sighed and thought about his sad past, I suddenly started staring at his freckles, just a little above the tip of his nose. As always, it computed to the perfection of his face all the more and I involuntarily smiled. This guy right next to me made my heart full in so many ways I didn't't know was possible, and the happiness I felt with him wasn't the kind of happiness you get when something good happens; it was different, a different kind of happiness - a happiness that only consumes you when you find a part of yourself, a part of yourself which you never knew was missing.

"Helloooo?" He snapped me out of my thoughts again, waving at me.

"Sorry, I drifted off."

He laughed. "That's okay."

"I have to admit something though," He added a second later. "I have never been this close and emotionally open with a girl before. I have never met someone like you." The beats of my heart grew louder and stronger as butterflies stirred in my stomach all over again.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying my best to hide the fact that I wasn't in the right state after his words.

"I'm going to be blunt with you - you don't just see the things I show. You can see past through me and you try your best to make out what it is that I'm hiding." He smiled as he concluded. "So, thank you. Thank you for seeing the past through me and for being there but mostly for fulfilling my biggest wish of having someone I can let it all out with."

That very instant, I knew I was right. I knew I was right every time I wondered about him and tried to figure out what it was that he was hiding behind his concealed mask. I knew I was right whenever I believed that he smiled through his lips but not through his soul. I knew I was right when I concluded blindly that he wasn't what he showed. I knew I was right all along that very instant.

But, the Elijah who was sitting in front of me, with a fixated smile wasn't the usual guy who everyone sees every day. He was the guy who he had hidden for nine years - the vulnerable, hurt, heartbroken, shattered and devastated guy. He was the Elijah who he should have been nine years back. He was the guy who I had longed to see and experience.

As I sat there with him, being in our most vulnerable states and talk about everything through, I came into terms with one more thing and the greatest realization of the night - I realized what were those that I felt every single time he was around. I realized it. It wasn't something stupid or something nugatory. It was special and precious - something to respect because it was neither my growing feelings for him nor my strong attraction towards him.

Those were nothing but my longing to know him, to experience him, to see through him, to feel whatever he was hiding inside of him. All these times, his pain and misery were visible in his eyes, in his aura, in his words, in his smile... in him. But, no one cared enough to take a little time out to see him through, and it was saddening to know. It was almost as painful as if it was me who was going through, not him.

But it felt good knowing I did something like that. It felt so damn good.

As I smiled at him through the agonizing pain I felt for him in my heart, I wanted to burst out crying because of how much I cared for him but mostly because of how much I wanted to relieve him the pain he has been carrying for so many years. But, I couldn't. It hurt. It ached. Like no other. Not being able to do something or anything for the one you care so much about. Being that helpless. It hurt more than any physical wound.

I might be in love.

I started stroking his hair softly and tenderly and he let me do it. His hair felt very smooth and soft on my hands, cooperating with whatever my hand was doing to it. I smiled at how lucky I felt and leaned forward to kiss him because I suddenly felt the need to do it. I felt as if he needed it, as if it would comfort him and to my surprise, he kissed me back with the same passion, as if he was responding to my desperate need to help.

As we continued to kiss, gradually it deepened, until I found myself on his lap facing him, both of my legs on either side of his hips as I continued to caress his soft hair. I ran my hand through his soft hair as he traced his fingers down my spine, caressing me in the most gentle way ever. I broke the kiss for a few seconds and smiled at him before leaning in again to kiss when I felt something cool on my cheek. Then, he felt it too, on his cheek. It was a cool drop of water.

We both moved away and touched our cheeks. It was raindrops. We looked at each other knowingly with a small smirk on our faces because we knew we were thinking the exact same thing. He raised his eyebrows at me when something we didn't expect happened: a loud thunder groaned above us. It was unexpected because there wasn't any lighting before the thunder.

We looked up at the same time and as soon as we did, many more cool drops of rain started falling upon us, becoming heavier and heavier with every passing second and soaking us completely in no time. But, we didn't move. Not even a single millimetre.

We just sat there, locked in a gaze - thinking the exact same thing - smiling because the moment was beautiful, and eventually sealing the night with a kiss.