My Ocean of Stars (2023 - 2024) | Poetry

117.) hopeless crystal palace

I was supposed to be locked away
but he forgot to repress me.
I guess I'm too alluring to be put out of my own misery.

With all of that said,
I hope you're not dead.
Because that would be a shame.
And I'm still alive but for how long will I remain in this game?

And then a couple months pass
and I'm readying myself for someone else
I dress up all nice like I'm something else
and twinkle in the night like a star, but I still feel ugly.
What if no-one wants me?

So I do
what I have to
and wait
until eight
comes to pass
nothing lasts
why do I
even try?

Then when the jokes are made, I'm the only one who isn't laughing.
Maybe I'm on edge on the inside, trapped inside a ring
of fire that is alight.
A fire that burns so bright.

Now I've got a hole of light
in my sight
or vision.
And when I sleep at night
I have a vision
of the future but it's all blurry
the world spins on as if it's in a hurry.

Now I'm back inside these glass halls
looking out these crystal clear glass walls
at the world outside
wishing I could step outside
but I remain chained
and imprisoned
like I'm a threat
that he envisioned.

In every surface I see my reflection
looking blankly
right back at me.
I can see my pale complexion
looking with worry
right back at me.
I see it wanting affection
or attention
as it stares patiently
right back at me.

I have no choice but to mouth 'wait'
as I remain trapped in this state.
Devoid of love, devoid of hate.
I am in a liminal land, a liminal state.

Trapped behind the walls of this hopeless crystal palace.
This isn't wonderland and I'm not Alice.
Devoid of passion and devoid of malice.
Drinking numbness from my glass chalice.

I heard the legends of 'The Freer'
How I hope that they would come here.
I hope that they are somewhere near.
I hope to one day get out of here.

One day the freer will free me
from my own captivity.
And then we'll roam freely
we'll gallivant endlessly.

One day
hopefully this year.
One day
hopefully near.