taste of desire - woosan

47. mistake

san must've been dreaming, he had to be. never did he imagine wooyoung would reciprocate his feelings and confess. he wasn't complaining though, it was something san had hoped for ever since he realized he liked wooyoung.

as happy as he was, san couldn't help but wonder what caused wooyoung to confess. was it that his feelings were built up for a long time and he couldn't hold it in anymore? did wooyoung confess out of pity? san tried not to think about it too much, he wanted wooyoung's confession to just be enough. the reason didn't have to matter.

but what happens now? san didn't open the discussion because he didn't want to overwhelm wooyoung. still, san wouldn't deny it and say that he didn't want something more with wooyoung than the two of them liking each other. he wanted to be with wooyoung, be in a relationship with him. san wanted to be able to not have to hide just how much he adores wooyoung in front of everyone because no one knew anything. he wanted to be able to hold wooyoung's hand in front of their friends without anyone questioning anything.

san was patient, any time he overthought anything with about wooyoung he'd remind himself that being around wooyoung was enough, and it was, but at the end of the day, san had desires of his own. he just really wanted wooyoung in any and ever single way all to himself and he hoped that wooyoung wanted that too. he was overjoyed for sure, but there was a small part of him that was unsure and he didn't like not knowing what would happen next.

"ugh, i'm so tired" seonghwa growned, laying his head on san's lap, where he was sitting on the couch. after taking several pictures, they all made it back to the cabin thankfully without any difficulty. they had been back for a while now, jongho and yunho resting in their rooms, san watching tv, and yeosang and wooyoung were in the kitchen preparing dinner for everyone.

"you have a bed, go sleep there" san said, nudging seonghwa off, making him roll to the ground with a thud. "you're such a fucking brat" seonghwa growled, getting up to attack san.

being used to seonghwa's antics, san easily dodged the attacks, "can you move?" he asked, playfully annoyed, "i'm trying to watch".

seonghwa rolled his eyes and sat next to san, "you're not even watching", he leanded his head on san's shoulder, "you've been spaced out for, like, a while now".

"what are you talking about? i was watching" san scoffed, sometimes he forgot how observant seonghwa was and how he always seemed to be watching him when he didn't notice.

"i know you" seonghwa replied, "and because i know you, i'm not gonna ask anything but i can tell something's bothering you. just know you can talk to me when you're ready".

san felt a lump in his throat, oh how he wished he could talk to seonghwa, tell him everything but he couldn't. san couldn't bring himself to talk about wooyoung because him and wooyoung were a secret.

it was clear wooyoung wasn't in a rush to let anyone know there was something between them from the way he dropped san's hand so quickly when they reached the group. it's not like san blamed him, but it still hurt. wooyoung also hadn't spared san so much as a glance since they came back. and that's why san felt conflicted, he didn't want to be selfish and take wooyoung's feelings into account as well, but that's what san has been doing the whole time. and he was fine with it, or he thought he was. san sometimes wanted to be selfish and tell everyone about them, but he wouldn't do that. san would just have to be content with the fact that wooyoung said he liked him back and leave it at that.

"dinner's ready!" yeosang poked his head out from the kitchen. "finally" seonghwa got up, "i'll get yunho and jongho" he said before disappearing down the hallway.

san headed to the dining room, sitting down on one of the chairs and admiring the spread of food, "wow, you cooked all of this?" he gasped in amazement and yeosang chuckled, "you sound surprised, like this isn't our profession". san smiled sheepishly and watched as wooyoung emerged with a salad bowl.

"will you sit next to me?" san asked lowly with a smile while wooyoung placed the bowl down. wooyoung glanced at san, "no", was all he said before walking away. san frowned, he didn't understand what was going on with wooyoung. he was acting so different from how he was earlier.

san's heart sank as he watched wooyoung walk away without a second glance. confusion clouded his mind. had he done something wrong? was wooyoung regretting his confession? The questions swirled in san's head as he stared at the empty space where wooyoung had been standing moments ago.

throughout the meal, san watched wooyoung, trying to decipher his behavior. maybe he was tired? he waited until the end of dinner to grab onto wooyoung's arm and whisper in his ear when no one was around, "come to the balcony when everyone's asleep".

san stayed patient, everyone would have been asleep by now. he sat on the balcony, staring at the sky. he waited, and waited, wooyoung hadn't shown up yet. san knew he had to talk things out, he had to make his intentions with wooyoung clear.

it seemed like forever when wooyoung finally showed up. he lazily trudged onto the balcony and slumped himself on the chair next to san without uttering a word.

"wooyoung?" san looked over at wooyoung, his head was down and his arms were crossed. "what do you want, san?" wooyoung asked, tiredly and, if san was being honest, a little irritated.

"what's going on with you?" san asked, "i mean, did i do something wrong?".

"i didn't mean it" wooyoung stated, keeping his head low. san frowned, "you didn't mean what, wooyoung?" he closed his eyes tight and hoped wooyoung wouldn't say what he thought what he was going to.

"the forest. i don't know why i said it, i think i felt bad because you cried" wooyoung said and san was so shocked, he was actually speechless.

so, wooyoung's confession in the forest had been out of pity? san struggled to process the revelation. it felt like a blow to his chest, leaving him breathless and uncertain. had he misread everything? had he built up hopes based on a misunderstanding?

"you...didn't mean it?" san repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, disbelief coloring his tone. he couldn't have, san knew what he felt, he knew wooyoung felt something too.

"please tell me you're joking" san pleaded. wooyoung still hasn't looked at san, "i'm not" he replied thickly.

"what do you mean you didn't mean it?" san's voice trembled with emotion, his eyes searching desperately for any sign of reassurance in wooyoung's expression. but wooyoung remained stoic, his gaze fixed on some distant point beyond the balcony railing. "you're telling me you felt nothing towards me at all?".

san's heart felt heavy, as if it were sinking with every passing second. he had poured his feelings into wooyoung, believing that he felt the same. but now, it seemed like it was all a misunderstanding, a cruel joke played by fate.

"you're telling me you did?" wooyoung retorted, "four years, san. you were with her for four years and you're telling me that you like me and expect me to believe you? i'm not someone you can use".

"you think i'm using you?" san asked in disbelief, "do you think i meant to fall for you? i told you, i broke up with jiyeon not just for you, but because we've had problems long before you. why don't you believe me?" his eyes were filled with tears, the hurt evident in his voice.

"this was a mistake" wooyoung simply said before getting up. it couldn't end like this, san couldn't let wooyoung slip away.

he grabbed wooyoung's hand and put it to his chest, "do you feel it?" wooyoung looked back, his eyes widening slightly, "do you feel how fast you make my heart race?".

"san.." wooyoung's gaze softened while tears rolled down san's cheeks.

"no one makes me feel this way but you" san took a deep breath and looked straight into wooyoung's eyes.

"i love you, wooyoung".