THE TWENTY SECOND YEAR

WHAT A GIRL WANTS/WHAT A GIRL NEEDS

I.
When I was a child, I wanted an American Girl doll
more than anything—even the loose curls
America taught me to crave. I wanted to pick
at every scab to see myself bleed. I wanted
a book with a girl who looked like me on the cover.
I wanted long hair. I wanted blue eyes. I wanted
another life. I wanted someone else's girlhood
around my neck like a noose. I wanted to hang
like a black dress on a clothesline until the loneliness
dried.

II.
What a girl wants is often not what a girl needs.

What a girl needs is often bitter but we are told to want sweet things.

What a girl wants is often disregarded.

III.
What a Black girl wants
is often considered
nonexistent.

What a Black girl wants
is often not
considered.

IV.
I wanted my Blackness
and my girlness
to be

considered.

I both wanted
and despised
my unacknowledged—

my unsparing—
my inherent—

twoness.

I wanted most
to be

considered.

V.
What a Black girl wants is often not what a Black girl needs.